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SCREEN WRITING CLASS - MODULE 3


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#1 aroundworld

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Posted 03 September 2012 - 06:27 PM

Story Flaws and The Payoff



In this class we will:


Identify and avoid the most common flaws when developing a story. Utilize the payoff by mining material that has been introduced into the story.

Practice the art of visual storytelling.

Assignments:

1. Outline for a Visual Movie Opening

Discussion:

When you think of great visual filmmakers, who comes to mind and why?




Preceding modules to this class:

MOD 1 - Interruption of Routine
http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153

MOD 2 - Audience Expectation
http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13203






SYLLABIS FOR CLASS MODULES


MODULE 1

Understand the concept of routine and interruption.

MODULE 2

Understand and use the concept of plant and payoff.

Combining Routine and Interruption with Plant and Payoff

YOU ARE HERE >> MODULE 3

Identify and avoid the most common flaws when developing a story. Utilize the payoff by mining material that has been introduced into the story.

Practice the art of visual storytelling.

Assignments:

1. Assignment Outline for a Visual Movie Opening

Discussion:

1. When you think of great visual filmmakers, who comes to mind and why?



MODULE 4

Understand the concept of the central question.

Assignments:

Central Question exercise: (What is the single most important goal of the protagonist and will he/she achieve it?)


MODULE 5

Understand the different movie Genres and the concept of Genre.

Explore the art of adapting a story for a movie.

What are the benefits of adaptation?


Assignments:

Assignment: Adaptation Assignment

Discussion:
Talk about a movie that you liked which was adapted from a book that you have read. What was similar to the book? What was different?



Module 6

Troubleshooting a Story

Troubleshoot a story.

Critically evaluate a story’s obstacles. Reconsider the central question. Brainstorm for obstacles.

Assignments:

Assignment Obstacle Brainstorm

Discussion:
1. Provide an example of a creative solution to obstacles faced by a character in a recent movie that you've seen.


Module 7

The Hook, Through-Line and Place Markers

Student Outcomes:

Understand the importance of the hook when telling a story.

Use a through-line in a narrative.

Understand what a cute meet is in screenwriting.

Utilize place markers when writing.

Assignments:

1. Discussion Exercise: Cute Meet
2. Assignment: Place Marker Sketch

Discussion:
1. Talk about any issues or problems you have had with identifying Through-Lines or using Place Markers.



Module 8

Defining Characters

Student Outcomes:

Understand the pleasure and necessity of researching material for stories.

Learn about the importance of story drivers.

Explore how characters can be defined by their reactions.

Address the issue of moral choices that characters make.

Assignments:

1. Assignment: Distinct Reactions


Discussion:

Describe an example of a moral choice made by a character in a movie you've seen.




Module 9

The Message

Understand how a message can drive what the characters do.

Understand the importance of the message in a movie.

Utilize a message that can lead to a premise.

Assignments:

Messages Assignment: Define what the message of your story is.

Discussion:

Discuss the last message you saw in a feature film. Did it resonate effectively?


Module 10:

Developing Characters

Understand what goes into creating a memorable character.

Utilize different methods to sketch out a character.

Understand the importance of the character arc.

Assignments:

Write a Fictitious Character Profile

Discussion:
List a couple of examples of character arcs from films you've seen recently.




Module 11

Story Endings

Identify the different types of endings for movies, including open- ended story and the story with a surprise ending.

Understand that loose ends are usually tied up in a good ending.

Write an opening scene and an ending scene for a movie.

Assignments:

Opening Scene and Ending scene for a movie

Post a story ending that did not work in a movie that you've seen recently. Explain why you feel it didn't work.


Module 12

Character Voices

Understand some of the factors that influence a character’s voice.

Write in the voice of an invented character.

Understand the benefit to the screenwriter of having a broad base of knowledge.

Assignments:

1. Character Voice Monologue: Write a small scene were your character expresses an emotion or opinion…etc

2. Talk about one of your favorite movie characters with a unique and distinctive voice. What is it about the character and their voice that you like?



Module 13

Supporting and Main Characters
Writing Log-lines and Synopsys for your story

Understand what goes into creating a complete story

Know how to formulate a pitch for a story for film Comprehend the use and importance of supporting characters.

Assignments:

Assignment: The Pitch Assignment; writing Log-line and synopsis

Discussion:
Discuss the most challenging aspects of putting together your pitch assignment.


Module 14

Gathering Information for Your Story

Know how to gather and research material for writing a screenplay.

Explore use of the Internet for research.

Look at mimicking a character’s lifestyle and locale.

Understand the value of nurturing relationships for information and professional connections.

Understand the advantage of reading and relevant research.

Assignments:

The Pitch Assignment: Review your classmate's submissions from
Module 13 and share feedback with the class.

Discussion:
1. After reviewing your classmate's pitches, how would you change the presentation of your pitch? What about their work inspired you to make changes?



Module 15: Conclusion:

Subplots and Naming Your Film

Define different kinds of subplots, including romantic interests, inner demons and problems with family and friends.

Understand how to name a film and some of the sources for film titles.

Assignments:

No assignments in this module

Discussion:

Describe one of your favorite subplots from a film you've recently seen. Did it support the main plot line?


There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#2 aroundworld

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Posted 03 September 2012 - 06:37 PM

I want to start with the discussion in this module because it will feed our approach to working through this next subject.

Post your answer the following question, and please be pacific. smile.gif


When you think of great visual filmmakers, who comes to mind and why?

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START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#3 kkffoo

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Posted 03 September 2012 - 06:50 PM

I was really struck by the visual language in this film
http://www.imdb.com/...ullcredits#cast
Ladyhawke

The story isn't standout on its own, but there's a quality to the cinematography which really amazed me. I'm not even sure if this fits the topic as the visuals in the film almost tell a different tale to the spoken script.

When I first saw this I researched and it seems that Italian cinema focused on its visual story telling for longer than most cultures, and only developed talking pictures late, so I attributed the visual depth to the cultural background of the Italian cinematographer!

I meant to watch other films that Vittorio Storaro worked on to see if I liked them as much, but I never got around to doing that.

edit: The stand out qualities are the use of textures, attention to detail, painting with light, creating huge landscapes, giving time to the visuals without spoken word, scenes are composed to look like paintings, a lot of attention is given to the whole screen, maybe even more to the background than the characters...it is also slow, so you can see things. Use of shadows, painstaking scene composition.

#4 JosephKw

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 01:32 AM

Director Ridley Scott comes to my mind (perhaps due to his visual style, or maybe it's just because of his recent personal tragedy). He was one of the first directors whom I noted for his use of emotion-evoking atmospheric shots. Here are a few which come to my mind...

ALIEN. His camera work in the narrow, twisting, maze-like ship added to the feeling of being trapped with no where to run. The shot of the landing claw bay with the water dripping down the long dangling, clanging chains was also memorable for me--all you see are the water drops and chains, with the background shrouded in shadow; I always felt something was watching from the darkness, ready to pounce. I also thought his use of lingering camera shots on empty space (holes, dark corridors, etc.) added to the suspense of the film; the first time I watched those shots, I would involuntarily cringe, expecting some horror to leap out.

LEGEND. I think this was the first film I saw which used lingering floating debris in the air (flower petals? pocket lint? I don't remember what it was), but it gave the forest scene a surreal air and immediately transported the audience into its fantasy realm.

BLADE RUNNER. Great noir lighting and atmosphere. Of particular note is one scene after Harrison Ford was beaten up by one of the replicants and Ford is resting up in his apartment. The background is backlit with a white panel. Ford raises a shot of clear liquid to his lips, and as he sips, a crimson bloom of blood spreads into the drink from his bloody lips. It wasn't an essential shot, but I thought it was very creative of Scott.

#5 aroundworld

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 02:37 AM

QUOTE (kkffoo @ Sep 3 2012, 06:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I was really struck by the visual language in this film
http://www.imdb.com/...ullcredits#cast
Ladyhawke

The story isn't standout on its own, but there's a quality to the cinematography which really amazed me. I'm not even sure if this fits the topic as the visuals in the film almost tell a different tale to the spoken script.

When I first saw this I researched and it seems that Italian cinema focused on its visual story telling for longer than most cultures, and only developed talking pictures late, so I attributed the visual depth to the cultural background of the Italian cinematographer!

I meant to watch other films that Vittorio Storaro worked on to see if I liked them as much, but I never got around to doing that.

edit: The stand out qualities are the use of textures, attention to detail, painting with light, creating huge landscapes, giving time to the visuals without spoken word, scenes are composed to look like paintings, a lot of attention is given to the whole screen, maybe even more to the background than the characters...it is also slow, so you can see things. Use of shadows, painstaking scene composition.


I watched a 4 min video of this film, and immediately it reminded me of Ingmar Bergman! I can see this film was very meditative to watch. At least that's how I thought of it.



You mentioned that the cinematography told a different story than the script. Do you think the visuals should tell the same story as the dialog?

Why do you think the director chose to provide images that may not line up with the dialog?


Some film makers think that you should be able to understand a story even when the audio is absent.


One more question. Why do you think it's important for images to support dialog?

This was beautifully shot. May favorite shot was in the church when the sun was pouring through the window above everyone.

There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#6 aroundworld

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 02:59 AM

QUOTE (JosephKw @ Sep 4 2012, 01:32 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Director Ridley Scott comes to my mind (perhaps due to his visual style, or maybe it's just because of his recent personal tragedy). He was one of the first directors whom I noted for his use of emotion-evoking atmospheric shots. Here are a few which come to my mind...

ALIEN. His camera work in the narrow, twisting, maze-like ship added to the feeling of being trapped with no where to run. The shot of the landing claw bay with the water dripping down the long dangling, clanging chains was also memorable for me--all you see are the water drops and chains, with the background shrouded in shadow; I always felt something was watching from the darkness, ready to pounce. I also thought his use of lingering camera shots on empty space (holes, dark corridors, etc.) added to the suspense of the film; the first time I watched those shots, I would involuntarily cringe, expecting some horror to leap out.

LEGEND. I think this was the first film I saw which used lingering floating debris in the air (flower petals? pocket lint? I don't remember what it was), but it gave the forest scene a surreal air and immediately transported the audience into its fantasy realm.

BLADE RUNNER. Great noir lighting and atmosphere. Of particular note is one scene after Harrison Ford was beaten up by one of the replicants and Ford is resting up in his apartment. The background is backlit with a white panel. Ford raises a shot of clear liquid to his lips, and as he sips, a crimson bloom of blood spreads into the drink from his bloody lips. It wasn't an essential shot, but I thought it was very creative of Scott.


"Ford raises a shot of clear liquid to his lips, and as he sips, a crimson bloom of blood spreads into the drink from his bloody lips. It wasn't an essential shot, but I thought it was very creative of Scott."

What is it about this shot that makes you feel as though it wasn't essential? Think about it for a moment. After putting so much work into lighting it so the blood shown against the clear liquid. Do you think he might be trying to communicate something visually?

What do you think that might be?

There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#7 squirrelygirl

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 03:25 AM

Steven Spielberg is mine. There are many other directors that I enjoy, but his movies stuck with me. I can still remember watching E.T. in the theater when I was young. Although there are many visuals to choose from including the dying geranium and the shot of them flying on the bike the most frightening part of the film, remember I was young, was the part where the boy and E.T. were in that quarantine tent.

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#8 aroundworld

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 03:31 AM

QUOTE (squirrelygirl @ Sep 4 2012, 03:25 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Steven Spielberg is mine. There are many other directors that I enjoy, but his movies stuck with me. I can still remember watching E.T. in the theater when I was young. Although there are many visuals to choose from including the dying geranium and the shot of them flying on the bike the most frightening part of the film, remember I was young, was the part where the boy and E.T. were in that quarantine tent.



Why was his visual style so memorable? What about it makes him your favorite?

There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#9 kkffoo

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 07:46 AM

The Church shot was one of my favourites also.

Overall, I think there is too much of a mismatch between the visuals and the story in Ladyhawke. It's as if the the goofy script (and miscast lead actor) were imposed on the film makers and they were stuck with the situation, but decided to make their own film anyway.

There are shots in the forest which are just breathtaking, the amount of care taken in choosing backdrops is incredible. There's a scene where ?soliders? march through a brick archway, and the faults in the brickwork are arranged into the kind of composition you would hope for in a painting.

My mind was boggled.

My mind was equally boggled watching Fitzcarraldo http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083946/ ... because everything was so real...because it was real...they really did it...cut down trees, dragged a huge river boat up the side of a muddy hill...and the reality was jolting...and in many ways interrupted the story...but was much more in tune than Ladyhawke.

These films feel like the seven legged creatures of the Cambrian explosion, they aaaare not easily copied because of their excess, but it is a delight that they existed at all.

Maybe the films had impact on me because they did not fit the normal pattern?

#10 aroundworld

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 11:03 AM

QUOTE (kkffoo @ Sep 4 2012, 07:46 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The Church shot was one of my favourites also.

Overall, I think there is too much of a mismatch between the visuals and the story in Ladyhawke. It's as if the the goofy script (and miscast lead actor) were imposed on the film makers and they were stuck with the situation, but decided to make their own film anyway.

There are shots in the forest which are just breathtaking, the amount of care taken in choosing backdrops is incredible. There's a scene where ?soliders? march through a brick archway, and the faults in the brickwork are arranged into the kind of composition you would hope for in a painting.

My mind was boggled.

My mind was equally boggled watching Fitzcarraldo http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083946/ ... because everything was so real...because it was real...they really did it...cut down trees, dragged a huge river boat up the side of a muddy hill...and the reality was jolting...and in many ways interrupted the story...but was much more in tune than Ladyhawke.

These films feel like the seven legged creatures of the Cambrian explosion, they aaaare not easily copied because of their excess, but it is a delight that they existed at all.

Maybe the films had impact on me because they did not fit the normal pattern?



"There's a scene where ?soliders? march through a brick archway, and the faults in the brickwork are arranged into the kind of composition you would hope for in a painting."


To me, the above scene description sounds like Richard Donner (director), was using the faults in the bricks to communicate that something was a corrupt about the Popes soldiers, or the Pope himself.

In the foreground we see the brick faults (cracked - uneven) in the background the soldiers are marching through.



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#11 aroundworld

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 11:17 AM

Look carefully at this image. What message does it send? The shadows on the wall the posture of the actors; what was the writer's/diretor's intention here?



Attached File  url.jpg   35.44KB   18 downloads

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#12 JosephKw

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 12:05 PM

Regarding the screenshot, the shadowy lines are reminiscent of prison bars. It means the couple is stuck in a predicament with no escape--perhaps a doomed love triangle or illicit affair, or they're business partners in some nefarious deal. Either ways, their relationship won't end well, yet they're locked into continuing with their ways until the bitter end.

As for my comment on that one scene in "Blade Runner", I don't think it is essential since it does not matter if that scene was in the film or not--the movie will still be just as effective (storywise and character-wise). I guess if one wants to take it to extremes, then every frame of every film affects the overall production, but just speaking as a layman I think that scene is just there for the coolness factor (if bleeding into one's drink can be considered cool).

However, if I must analyze it as I did the shadow jail screenshot you provided, I guess I could make a few guesses as to the meaning of that brief shot. The blood reminds us (and Decker--Ford's character) of Decker's humanity, which is the central theme of the story--what it means to be human since the story is about Decker hunting down malfunctioning replicants (bio-engineered robots). Then again, the replicants bleed as well, and quite profusely, so maybe that theory won't fly. Or how about the blood symbolizing the severity of Decker's beating without actually having to disfigure our handsome lead man? Ok, I give up. What is the significance of this scene? blink.gif

#13 kkffoo

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 12:46 PM

The character's shadows emphasise their position. Female is up against the wall (trapped?), male is surrounding her, both with his own body and the shadow.
Shadows from objects outside the scene enclose both chracters within their situation...like Josph said, they resemble prison bars.
In addition to the shadows the textures within the scene seem to represent disconnections. As the wall turns the corner the ?dado rail? changes height and colour, suggesting adaptions over time, maybe cultural change?
Brickwork is partly covered by crumbling plaster (secrets to be revealed?)
The leaflets / posters on the wall are repeated, multiple instances of the same item...like scratched marks on a prison wall, or suggesting a situation repeating itself.
The lighting itself is warm / hot, which maybe represents sexual desire, a steamy situation? Maybe there's some sort of sexual kink being referred to (bondage), the woman actually looks more in control than the situation might suggest, she half smiles.
Mkes me wonder if the woman might be more grounded against the wall, but the man, like the environment is more disconnected.
So I have contradicted my first thought! Maybe the scene is meant to be ambiguous.

#14 squirrelygirl

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 04:28 PM

QUOTE (aroundworld @ Sep 3 2012, 07:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why was his visual style so memorable? What about it makes him your favorite?


I think his visual style was so memorable because it was so different from other movies I had seen at the time. The way he could convey emotion for a scene such as the scene where we see the geranium dying and then later when it comes back to life.

I don't know a lot of technical film terms so I'll explain this way...I would have to say he is my favorite for a couple reason. I noticed his films early on and I think the reason was because many of his films were full of life and color. Many of his shots also seem to be from a child's perspective. The camera is lower making everything seem larger as a child would see it. I see this as doing two things. It allows children to connect more with his movies and it allows adults to experience the wonderment they used to feel.

As to the picture I also see the female as being trapped. The man faces her yet her head is down as if she is submissive. The prison bars make me think she is trapped either he is her husband and she is trapped or he has trapped her some other way. The lighting makes the scene seem intimate.


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#15 aroundworld

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 06:54 PM

QUOTE (JosephKw @ Sep 4 2012, 12:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Regarding the screenshot, the shadowy lines are reminiscent of prison bars. It means the couple is stuck in a predicament with no escape--perhaps a doomed love triangle or illicit affair, or they're business partners in some nefarious deal. Either ways, their relationship won't end well, yet they're locked into continuing with their ways until the bitter end.

As for my comment on that one scene in "Blade Runner", I don't think it is essential since it does not matter if that scene was in the film or not--the movie will still be just as effective (storywise and character-wise). I guess if one wants to take it to extremes, then every frame of every film affects the overall production, but just speaking as a layman I think that scene is just there for the coolness factor (if bleeding into one's drink can be considered cool).

However, if I must analyze it as I did the shadow jail screenshot you provided, I guess I could make a few guesses as to the meaning of that brief shot. The blood reminds us (and Decker--Ford's character) of Decker's humanity, which is the central theme of the story--what it means to be human since the story is about Decker hunting down malfunctioning replicants (bio-engineered robots). Then again, the replicants bleed as well, and quite profusely, so maybe that theory won't fly. Or how about the blood symbolizing the severity of Decker's beating without actually having to disfigure our handsome lead man? Ok, I give up. What is the significance of this scene? blink.gif


"Or how about the blood symbolizing the severity of Decker's beating without actually having to disfigure our handsome lead man? Ok, I give up. What is the significance of this scene?"

HA HA HA HA HA!!!! No worries!

I could make several guesses myself. My own personnel take on that scene; and you alluded to it, is that Decker does in fact bleed just like the replicants; blurring the line between who has a soul and who doesn't.

To go a step further, at the end of Blade Runner, one of the replicants (before he dies) relates how cheated he felt that their lives (replicants) were so short. I think that revealed the fact that even though they were bio-mechanical, they learned to value life and wanted to live it.


What I really want to accomplish in that question is to spur you on to look closer at a scene you might otherwise dismiss. These kinds of things can inspire ideas in our writing.

Don't overlook anything! Maybe you can improve on an idea (re-imagine it), make it your own! smile.gif





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START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#16 aroundworld

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 07:28 PM

QUOTE (squirrelygirl @ Sep 4 2012, 04:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think his visual style was so memorable because it was so different from other movies I had seen at the time. The way he could convey emotion for a scene such as the scene where we see the geranium dying and then later when it comes back to life.

I don't know a lot of technical film terms so I'll explain this way...I would have to say he is my favorite for a couple reason. I noticed his films early on and I think the reason was because many of his films were full of life and color. Many of his shots also seem to be from a child's perspective. The camera is lower making everything seem larger as a child would see it. I see this as doing two things. It allows children to connect more with his movies and it allows adults to experience the wonderment they used to feel.

Thanks for indulging my questions on the above Shirl! smile.gif I think it's always important to address why we like something because of how it can inform our own creative process.

We've all heard people say "I don't know, I just like it". There is always a reason why someone likes something. Is it important that people always express "why"? Not really. BUT! For someone purposely working on creative expression, understanding "why" just might open other doors to a more original book, script, film, painting, idea...etc.



As to the picture I also see the female as being trapped. The man faces her yet her head is down as if she is submissive. The prison bars make me think she is trapped either he is her husband and she is trapped or he has trapped her some other way. The lighting makes the scene seem intimate.


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START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#17 aroundworld

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 09:29 PM

Your screenshot observations


Attached File  Screen_shot_2012_09_04_at_4.22.25_PM.png   361.99KB   2 downloads



Josph:

"Regarding the screenshot, the shadowy lines are reminiscent of prison bars. It means the couple is stuck in a predicament with no escape--perhaps a doomed love triangle or illicit affair,"


You're right on the mark with your observation here. Although there is more to the story, you've captured the essence of this scene.


Kate:

"The character's shadows emphasise their position. Female is up against the wall (trapped?), male is surrounding her, both with his own body and the shadow. Shadows from objects outside the scene enclose both chracters within their situation...like Josph said, they resemble prison bars."

This also is really good! The shadow of the man, perhaps unrequited love? The prison bars, I remember studying this film for these very things. Right on the mark! You've described the essence of this scene, revealing another piece of it.

Shirl:

"As to the picture I also see the female as being trapped. The man faces her yet her head is down as if she is submissive. The prison bars make me think she is trapped either he is her husband and she is trapped or he has trapped her some other way. The lighting makes the scene seem intimate."

Yes! The shadow bars, the submissive cue (or the desire to be submissive?), the intimate lighting in contrast to the feeling of being trapped.



--------------

EXT. ALLEY. NIGHT

Shadows from a bared window stripe the wall and cross Maggie's face. Her purse clutched. Tonie's shadow shrinks to the side. They stand apart. Silent.

In proper screen format, the above is less than three sentences, no more.

-------------

I didn't describe what they're wearing, lighting, mood, no "We see" cues. No camera calls. And I communicated the scene.

ASSIGNMENT

You don't have to use a slug line (EXT/INT. whear ever. NIGHT/DAY)

Write an opening scene to a movie, using two paragraphs. NO MORE.

What I'm looking for: Lean, tight, descriptions. If you must describe clothes try:

fitted suit, or tattered appearance...etc. Something brief and to the point.

What I'm not looking for: Sounds, dialog, lighting, mood, no "We see" cues. No camera calls.

I realize you guys don't have hours to sit around and ponder the three most descriptive words to get your point across, do the best you can. smile.gif

But that is what screen writing is. Strong, descriptive words that say more with less writing.




About the screenshot:

This is a screen shot from one of the films that got me started down the road to professional writing. Wong Kar Wai's In The Mood For Love

While this is an art house film (I typically don't write in the art house genre), it is cinematically one of the most compelling movies I've ever seen.

Look up Christopher Doyle and Wong Kar Wai In The Mood For Love

There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#18 JosephKw

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 06:36 AM

I'm not familiar with some of the technical terms like "We see cues" or "camera calls" so I hope I'm not including them in my attempt at my opening scene. So...here it goes...

A large thick cigar is raised by large thick fingers to thick frowning lips. MR. RONG, age 50, in an expensive three-piece pin-stripe suit stands motionless staring ahead. Large thick batons are held, one each, by four burly men standing two each to the side of Mr. Rong. These men wear filthy wife-beaters. MR. DETT, age 20, with head bowed down and baggy misfitting casual wear, walks around a corner to face MR. RONG and his men. Dett stops in his tracks and his eyes widen as the four burly men spread out to block any escape.

Dett's eyes dart back and forth nervously. The four burly men raise their thick batons, and glance at Mr. Rong. Mr. Rong studies Dett for a few long seconds, removes the thick cigar from his lips with his fingers, points it momentarily at Dett, then drops the cigar. The four batons descend. The cigar hits the floor, splashing red embers about. It lays there a few seconds before Mr. Rong's foot descends upon it, crushing it, the foot twisting repeatedly, deliberately, forceably.

#19 kkffoo

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 08:08 AM

Maggy's bare, soot stained foot draws back when it brushes against Lady Constance's dead hand.
The flames consuming Foley Manor dance in the jewels of Lady C's bracelet.

#20 squirrelygirl

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 05:36 PM

Ext. - Small Medieval Village - Night

Four men wearing chain-mail fan out to surround a cottage.

They draw their swords and advance.

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