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SCREEN WRITING CLASS - MODULE 6


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#41 aroundworld

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Posted 02 November 2012 - 02:44 AM

QUOTE (squirrelygirl @ Nov 1 2012, 05:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Second Try:

ACT I

We meed teenage BRIANA WESTRAM who is of obvious wealth, but more interested in archery and riding horses bareback than what is acceptable for young medieval ladies. Her father constantly voices concern over her actions.


MIDWAY

The Castle is under attack. Lord Westram asks his manservant to get his children to safety. Briana does not want to leave her father, but he tells her she has to be strong like the girl in the story of the talisman he has told her since she was young. The manservant sneaks them out through the catacombs and takes them back to his home to hide until he can get them out of the city.


PLOT POINT I

Four knights advance on a medieval style cottage. Inside a middle aged man and woman hide Briana and Thomas in a crawlspace under the floor. The knights break into the cottage followed by a merciless man. This is CARAC FENDREL. He tries to gain the location of the children. When the the manservant and his wife are unhelpful he kills them. Meanwhile Briana and Thomas try to escape, but are seen by the knights and pursued. Briana is injured and Thomas is captured.

When the the manservant and his wife refuse to cooperate he kills them.

Always ask yourself, "what word is stronger? What word communicates vivid conflict?

Which word is stronger; unhelpful, or refuse?

I go through this process each time, after I get the initial idea on the page.




ACT II

Briana is rescued by MARCUS DEVLIN, a man faithful to her father. He thinks her family is dead and wants to get her to safety. She thinks they are still alive, but Marcus wants to get her to safety before trying to find out if her father and brother are still alive. After she realizes he won't change his mind she pretends to agree with him, but makes her escape the first chance she gets.


TURN AROUND 1

She disguises herself and enters the castle to try to rescue her family. Meanwhile Marcus makes his way to the castle to look for her. She looks for her family in the dungeon, taking out a few guards with her arrows in the process, but only finds some of her father's knights. Before she can look further she is captured. Marcus finds her and with his help she overpowers her captors. They take the keys and releases the five knights.


TURN AROUND 2

One of the rescued knights heard Carac talking about a talisman. Briana thought the talisman was just a story, but would seem that she was wrong. The talisman can bring forth an army of the dead. When she reveals the story to the knights they don't believe it, but Marcus swears that it is true. They think Carac wants to use the army to overpower the king and gain control of the country. With Thomas in Carac's clutches they are sure her father will give in. Briana realizes that her father told her where the talisman is in the story he used to tell her. She is about to tell the knights when she overhears them talking about her father and the great warrior he used to be in battle. She decides to prove herself by going after the talisman alone.


PLOT POINT II

Briana goes after the talisman, but she doesn't know that Marcus is following her. Carac also finds out where the talisman is. He takes some men to retrieve it. Briana reaches it first because she is the only one small enough to fit through the crawlspace to reach it, but when she comes back out of the crawlspace she is trapped by Carac and his men. Marcus has been watching and when she comes back out he helps her escape.



ACT III

Briana has the talisman and she wants to destroy it, but Carac spreads word throughout the city that if she does not give him the talisman by noon her brother and father will hang. She argues with the man about what to do. The knights want her to use the talisman to destroy Carac, but Marcus thinks that using the talisman would change Briana. She has a hard time sleeping and sneaks out of the camp to think about what to do. While she is alone she is captured by some of Carac's men.


Briana is taken to Carac. He takes the talisman from her. She insists that he let her father and brother go, but he has decided to use her brother in the ritual to activate the talisman. He is going to do it that night. Briana is locked up until then. Marcus and the knights realize what happened and sneak in through the catacombs. They help Briana escape and go after Carac, but they don't know where he is until Briana remembers from the story. They find Carac as he's about to sacrifice Thomas. Briana destroys the amulet which also destroys Carac because he was in the middle of the ritual. When Carac dies his men run off. Marcus releases Lord Westram.

Wouldn't Carac's men know where the catacombs are by now? Wouldn't they be guarding this area? Is there a more dangerous way in? Always raise the conflict!

SUGGESTION: Having Briana be used as the sacrifice instead of Tommy, this would up the conflict a bit more. Remember, you want to put your hero in circumstances beyond their control!

We haven't seen Tommy since he was captured, so letting him fight would give a chance to get back at Carac.

What happened to her father?




Briana has always felt out of place like the girl in the talisman story. Her father explains that like the girl in the talisman story Briana had a destiny and although she might be different from other young girls he would rather have her for a daughter than anyone else.


You wrote concise scene beats that gave me the core of the story. You didn't fill it in with clothes, dialog and sound effects. BRAVO!

Thank you for working so hard!

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#42 aroundworld

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Posted 02 November 2012 - 03:42 AM

Why we use scene beats to sketch out a three act structure of a script.


The scene beat develops three things:

CHARACTER

EVER RISING CONFLICT

STORY


Scene beats represent the core of your story, and will give you a clear uncluttered map of your character's journey through conflict to the end of the script . They are not meant to convey sound effects, props, wardrobe, camera direction... etc. When you clutter scene beats with these things, you're not thinking about character and conflict.


Stories are always about CHARACTER, and who they are; making them relatable. When we add the other stuff at such an early stage, it distracts from developing who your character is.

Used properly, the scene beat will give you a snapshot of your character and the challenges they face as you develop tangible reasons for inner and outer conflict / obstacles and how they overcome them on their journey.

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#43 aroundworld

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Posted 02 November 2012 - 07:10 PM

Assignment



After considering my new remarks on your do over, please take your adjusted three act scene beats and "connect the dots."



What happens in between meeting your character and the midway point?

What happens from midway to the first plot point?

What happens between the first scene of ACT II and first turn around?

What happens between the first and second turn around?

What happens between the second turn around and the beginning of ACT III?

What happens between the first scene of ACT III and the victory?

What happens between the victory and the resolution?




Make these NEW BEATS about your character and their relationships. You don't have to cover every detail, just the main points.

Make these new beats, lean and to the point. This is an important phase in building your story, now we're filling in some of the blanks before we move to MOD 7.


TROUBLE SHOOT YOUR STORY: Make sure it has these elements


Character arc (How does your character change by the end of the story)

Your character's inner and outer struggle

Routine and interruption

Plant and pay off

Audience mislead

Audience superiority; OPTIONAL (when we know something your character doesn't)



There is no try, only do or do not.

 

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#44 JosephKw

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Posted 03 November 2012 - 08:55 AM

Okay, here's a pared-down redo.

ACT I

We meet your character.


BRUCE DETT, 25, in dark-clad garb and mask revealing only his eyes, stands in a dingy hallway. Three brawny Chinese men in suits see him and rushes him with knives and staves. Dett dispatches them in a flurry of blows and kicks down the door they were guarding.

MASS SIN, 40, a Chinese man with a long Fu Manchu mustache dons a silk robe and stands in front of a large window, holding a Chinese sword. Sin slashes his own throat and falls out the window. Detts notices the blood and sword are fake. Outside, Sin is gone.


MIDWAY

Their life is interrupted, but they learn something that saves them in ACT III

Dett, still in his assassin's garb, stands before WU, 60, who is being massaged by a two beautiful girls. Dett reports his failure in slaying Sin. Wu slams his fist on the table, then slides a yellow slip of paper to Dett, who signs it. The guard takes the yellow marker to Wu, who places it in a wall safe behind him.

Suddenly Sin's men leap through the window on ropes and battle Wu and his men. After a melee, the attackers escape, leaving Wu dead. Outside, Dett watches the assassins flee, with Sin driving away in a black sedan.

Fat dapper, MR. RONG, age 50, in a handsome suit enters Wu's office, smoking a cigar, and Wu's men bow to him. Rong sits in Wu's chair, and snaps his finger. The two beautiful masseuses quickly come to massage Rong.

PLOT POINT I

PLACE YOUR OPENING SCENE HERE. (the one you worked earlier in the semester) This is now your inciting incident that launches your character into act 2.

A cigar is raised by Rong. Cigar-shaped batons are held, one each, by four burly men in wife-beaters, standing two each to the side of Mr. Rong. Dett, now in misfitting casual wear and his face fully-revealed for the first time, walks around a corner to face Rong and his men. Dett stops as the burly men spread out to surround him.

The men raise their batons, and glance at Mr. Rong, who nods. The batons descend. The sound of fighting ensues. One by one each baton falls to the floor. Dett stands among four motionless bodies. Mr. Rong drops his jaw--the cigar falls out and hits the floor. Dett's foot descends upon it, crushing it. A pool of water reflects the fleeing Mr. Rong.


ACT II

Your character tries to grasp what has happened to them. (remember our earlier exercise).

Dett reveals that he is an assassin to Rong. Rong demands a refund for his failure in slaying Sin, which Dett cannot do.

TURN AROUND 1

They have an encounter with the enemy but in the process meet someone that will help them. (remember our earlier exercise).

Dett, masked, attacks Sin's lair, leaving behind a fat cigar. Sin, believing it is the work of Rong, wages war on Rong's holdings.

Rong summons Dett and instructs him to deliver a money bag to Sin to cease the mob war--in return all debts by Dett will be forgiven.


TURN AROUND 2

Your character's are seemingly defeated. (Remember our earlier exercise)

Dett delivers the money bag, but Sin opens it to find it filled with newspaper, and a bomb. The bomb goes off with Sin and Dett in the room.


PLOT POINT II

REFER TO EARLIER EXERCISE.

Dett climbs out from under a huge metal bell which decorated Sin's lair. He finds Sin's black sedan and takes it.

Dett changes his appearance with a haircut, new outfit, and glasses. He buys a jar of "tung oil" from a Chinese herbalist, and dips a yellow marker sheet into it. At one of Rong's casinos, he deliberately loses badly, and makes out a marker using the black sedan as collateral. The marker makes its way from the casino, to Rong's building, and into the wall safe. Once secure in the wall safe, the treater marker smolders and bursts into flame.

ACT III

THE FIGHT WITH YOUR ENEMY ENSUES.

Dett packs up his bags to leave, but is struck on the head as he steps out of the door.

PLACE YOUR ENDING SCENE HERE

Dett is brought in to Mr. Rong. Thugs stand all around. Dett slowly regains consciousness to see a smiling, smoking Rong. Dett is tied to a chair. Dett claims his debt is paid, and demands to see the marker. Rong opens the safe to find only ash and smoke.

Rong is furious, and draws a knife to slay Dett. Using his legs, Dett disarms Rong, and uses the knife to free his bonds. Rong sees he's losing, and breaks to get away. Dett's got him and swings him through a plate glass window. Dett watches as Rong plunges to his death.

OUTCOME


RESOLUTION

The police arrive to find a mass of bodies. They ignore Dett, dressed in one of the casual clothes of Rong's men, who saunder off into the dark.


Character arc (How does your character change by the end of the story): Dett starts off as an assassin, but during the story turns into the target.

Your character's inner and outer struggle: Dett attempts to continue his profession under new management, but finds he cannot (since the new boss wants him dead due to being humiliated by him). Dett must change roles and become a vigilante instead.

Routine and interruption: Dett's life as an assassin turns into a life as a marked target.

Plant and pay off: 1. the yellow markers are shown to be an important asset. 2. The yellow marker treated with tung oil spontaneously combusts, destroying all of Rong's markers (thus the payoff for both the importance of the yellow markers, and the special properties of the tung oil).

Audience mislead: When Dett appears on the street without his mask on, we think he is a defenseless victim, only to be revealed as a formidable martial artist. As a further surprise, he is revealed to be the masked assassin from the start of the film.

Audience superiority; OPTIONAL (when we know something your character doesn't): When the money bag is given to Dett, some viewers may suspect the bag since we would expect Rong to order Dett to kill Sin instead (since Dett is an assassin and not a simple delivery boy). Optionally, we can be shown that a bomb is placed in the bag outside of Dett's view.



#45 aroundworld

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Posted 03 November 2012 - 05:06 PM

Hey guys, I'm on my way to New Zealand, so I may be delayed in getting to your assignments. Take your time, think through your story. I'll be checking in once I can hook up the LAPTOP. smile.gif

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#46 aroundworld

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Posted 04 November 2012 - 05:48 PM


QUOTE (JosephKw @ Nov 3 2012, 08:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Okay, here's a pared-down redo.

ACT I

We meet your character.


BRUCE DETT, 25, in dark-clad garb and mask revealing only his eyes, stands in a dingy hallway. Three brawny Chinese men in suits see him and rush him with knives and staves. Dett dispatches them in a flurry of blows and kicks down the door they were guarding.

Is the world going to end because you're describing clothes...etc? NO. But in order to communicate quickly, the essence of who your character is and how they move through the conflict of the story, it's essential to get this.

MASS SIN, 40, a Chinese man with a long Fu Manchu mustache dons a silk robe and stands in front of a large window, holding a Chinese sword. Sin slashes his own throat and falls out the window. Dett notices the blood and sword are fake. Outside, Sin is gone.

Read this out-loud, excluding the words I struck out. It says the same thing.

What I want you to get a hold of, is communicating character and action with out staging it on the page with props, wardrobe, facial hair, type of weapons.... etc.



MIDWAY

Their life is interrupted, but they learn something that saves them in ACT III

Dett, still in his assassin's garb, stands before WU, 60, who is being massaged by a two beautiful girls. Dett reports his failure in slaying Sin. Wu slams his fist on the table, then slides a yellow slip of paper to Dett, who signs it. The guard takes the yellow marker to Wu, who places it in a wall safe behind him.

Suddenly Sin's men leap through the window on ropes and battle Wu and his men. After a melee, the attackers escape, leaving Wu dead. Outside, Dett watches the assassins flee, with Sin driving away in a black sedan.

Fat dapper, MR. RONG, age 50, in a handsome suit enters Wu's office, smoking a cigar, and Wu's men bow to him. Rong sits in Wu's chair, and snaps his finger. The two beautiful masseuses quickly come to massage Rong.

PLOT POINT I

PLACE YOUR OPENING SCENE HERE. (the one you worked earlier in the semester) This is now your inciting incident that launches your character into act 2.

A cigar is raised by Rong. Cigar-shaped batons are held, one each, by four burly men in wife-beaters, standing two each to the side of Mr. Rong. Dett, now in misfitting casual wear and his face fully-revealed for the first time, walks around a corner to face Rong and his men. Dett stops as the burly men spread out to surround him.



The men raise their batons, and glance at Mr. Rong, who nods. The batons descend. The sound of fighting ensues. One by one each baton falls to the floor. Dett stands among four motionless bodies. Mr. Rong drops his jaw--the cigar falls out and hits the floor. Dett's foot descends upon it, crushing it. A pool of water reflects the fleeing Mr. Rong.


ACT II

Your character tries to grasp what has happened to them. (remember our earlier exercise).

Dett reveals that he is an assassin to Rong. Rong demands a refund for his failure in slaying Sin, which Dett cannot do.

TURN AROUND 1

They have an encounter with the enemy but in the process meet someone that will help them. (remember our earlier exercise).

Dett, masked, attacks Sin's lair, leaving behind a fat cigar. Sin, believing it is the work of Rong, wages war on Rong's holdings.

Rong summons Dett and instructs him to deliver a money bag to Sin to cease the mob war--in return all debts by Dett will be forgiven.


TURN AROUND 2

Your character's are seemingly defeated. (Remember our earlier exercise)

Dett delivers the money bag, but Sin opens it to find it filled with newspaper, and a bomb. The bomb goes off with Sin and Dett in the room.


PLOT POINT II

REFER TO EARLIER EXERCISE.

Dett climbs out from under a huge metal bell which decorated Sin's lair. He finds Sin's black sedan and takes it.

Dett changes his appearance with a haircut, new outfit, and glasses. He buys a jar of "tung oil" from a Chinese herbalist, and dips a yellow marker sheet into it. At one of Rong's casinos, he deliberately loses badly, and makes out a marker using the black sedan as collateral. The marker makes its way from the casino, to Rong's building, and into the wall safe. Once secure in the wall safe, the treater marker smolders and bursts into flame.

ACT III

THE FIGHT WITH YOUR ENEMY ENSUES.

Dett packs up his bags to leave, but is struck on the head as he steps out of the door.

PLACE YOUR ENDING SCENE HERE

Dett is brought in to Mr. Rong. Thugs stand all around. Dett slowly regains consciousness to see a smiling, smoking Rong. Dett is tied to a chair. Dett claims his debt is paid, and demands to see the marker. Rong opens the safe to find only ash and smoke.

Rong is furious, and draws a knife to slay Dett. Using his legs, Dett disarms Rong, and uses the knife to free his bonds. Rong sees he's losing, and breaks to get away. Dett's got him and swings him through a plate glass window. Dett watches as Rong plunges to his death.

OUTCOME


RESOLUTION

The police arrive to find a mass of bodies. They ignore Dett, dressed in one of the casual clothes of Rong's men, who saunder off into the dark.


You can strip this down even more. Please take a look at Kate and Shirl's assignments. What they did was represent the BASIC element of the scenes. Visual cues of masks and hair, whether it's a Chinese sword or a Russian sword, make no difference in the action and the character.


SCENE BEATS simply communicate:

THIS HAPPENS.

THEN THIS HAPPENS

THIS HAPPENS

THEN THIS HAPPENS.

As long as they tie the skeleton of the story together in plausible sequence, much of the other stuff serves no purpose in this exercise. If you need to mention a weapon, use: gun sword knive, stave. I don't need to know what kind they are...etc. This exercise is about character and action, NOT STAGING.

Please follow my suggestions and take another shot at this.


CHARACTER ARC and the other things included are for the assignment folloing this it's not apart of this assignment.

Let go of what you think you know for a moment and entertain these concepts.



There is no try, only do or do not.

 

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#47 kkffoo

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Posted 05 November 2012 - 04:58 PM

Sorry to hold everyone up, big expo planning weekend just gone. Will get to this tomorrow.

#48 JosephKw

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Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:01 AM

Thanks for the tips, Steve. I do have to mention that it is important to mention what Dett is wearing since the audience does not know the masked assassin is the same guy as Dett when Rong ambushes him in the alley. The alley ambush is the first time the audience sees Dett's/assassin's face. So for this type of scenario, should we first introduce Dett as "assassin", and then when we see him unmasked, name him "Dett", so as to surprise the reader as well? Just wondering.

#49 kkffoo

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Posted 06 November 2012 - 07:20 PM

What happens in between meeting your character and the midway point?
Maggy witnesses Jame's men evicting a peasant family, and stealing precious items in the confusion. She is incensed.

What happens from midway to the first plot point?
Maggy sneaks into Foley hall, she plans to retrieve the peasant family's stolen items. She witnesses James set fire to the mansion. She hides from him , finally escaping the flames into Lady Foley's bedroom.

What happens between the first scene of ACT II and first turn around?
Maggy and Tommy are spotted by James and flee across fields and woods.

What happens between the first and second turn around?

Mr Pinkwhstle gives Maggy and Tommy a meal in his rough hut, while they tell their story.

What happens between the second turn around and the beginning of ACT III?
Tommy accidently drops the bracelet and James finds it in the grass.

What happens between the first scene of ACT III and the victory?
Maggy finds the documents behind a loose stone in the tower wall. James and his men arrive in the town square.

What happens between the victory and the resolution?
The London police recognise James's body as a known trickster, wanted for many crimes. Brenda is arrested. A london lawyer who has accompanied the police reads the recovered documents, and comments on Maggy's birthmark.

#50 aroundworld

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Posted 06 November 2012 - 08:49 PM

QUOTE (JosephKw @ Nov 6 2012, 07:01 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for the tips, Steve. I do have to mention that it is important to mention what Dett is wearing since the audience does not know the masked assassin is the same guy as Dett when Rong ambushes him in the alley. The alley ambush is the first time the audience sees Dett's/assassin's face. So for this type of scenario, should we first introduce Dett as "assassin", and then when we see him unmasked, name him "Dett", so as to surprise the reader as well? Just wondering.





This step in the process is about understanding CHARACTER ACTIONS and building the story. Everything else is secondary to that at this stage.


If you introduce Dett like this:

JOHNNY DETT, 25, Ninja assassin. Snakes his way through Mr. Rong's layer, what image does that provoke in your mind?

You see a guy who's masked in a ninja outfit sneaking around, right? So, there's NO NEED TO TELL ME HE'S MASKED.

See the difference? smile.gif

Now, when you come to the SCENE BEAT where he removes his mask, all you have to write is: Dett's ninja mask comes off, revealing his identity.

Strip your SCENE BEATS down. Use Kate and Shirl's work as an example. I know what it's like to go through this adjustment in your approach to writing, I did it myself. But when all you have to do is read two or three lines in stead of five pr ten to understand the action it MAKES A BIG DIFFERENCE.

You have a good story, lets build it one step at a time!




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#51 aroundworld

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Posted 07 November 2012 - 10:36 PM

QUOTE (kkffoo @ Nov 6 2012, 07:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What happens in between meeting your character and the midway point?

Maggy witnesses Jame's men evicting a peasant family, and stealing precious items in the confusion. She is incensed.

When I think of precious items for a peasant family, what comes to mind is a prize goat or cow...etc Something with in their reach. Think through what this might be. Did they spend a great deal time raising single prize animal? Maybe they won a prize animal in a village lottery?

Remember to keep it plausible (with in your story world).



What happens from midway to the first plot point?

Maggy sneaks into Foley hall, she plans to retrieve the peasant family's stolen items. She witnesses James set fire to the mansion. She hides from him , finally escaping the flames into Lady Foley's bedroom.


SUGGESTION: It would raise the conflict if Maggy was caught by one of James men as she spy's him starting the fire. The henchman take her to James...etc What happens next? smile.gif

OR

Maybe one of the family secretly follow Maggy to the Manner after Maggy refuses their help. When Maggy is caught by one of Jame's henchman, she's accosted for sexual favors. As she fights off his advances, the henchman is knocked unconscious by Maggy's friend. Together they go to them manor, in a deadly encounter with another henchman, the friend is killed (RAISING CONFLICT). A piece of the burning manor falls and kills the henchman. In a panic Maggy escapes into your inciting incident (the end of ACT I).

You don't have to incorporate any of these ideas, but you've vreated a wonderful scenario to daydream with! GREAT JOB!



What happens between the first scene of ACT II and first turn around?
Maggy and Tommy are spotted by James and flee across fields and woods.



What happens between the first and second turn around?


Mr Pinkwhstle gives Maggy and Tommy a meal in his rough hut, while they tell their story.

What happens between the second turn around and the beginning of ACT III?

Tommy accidently drops the bracelet and James finds it in the grass.

What happens between the first scene of ACT III and the victory?
Maggy finds the documents behind a loose stone in the tower wall. James and his men arrive in the town square.

What happens between the victory and the resolution?

The London police recognise James's body as a known trickster, wanted for many crimes. Brenda is arrested. A london lawyer who has accompanied the police reads the recovered documents, and comments on Maggy's birthmark.

A THOUGHT: Could it be that the head of police were in the pay of Lady Foley? But now that she's deposed along with James the corrupt official is also in jail?



These are excellent pieces to build on! Never be afraid to build on story elements you've seen in other films/book/plays...etc You can go back and morph them into your own version later. Many writers do this as place markers for action.


NOW, ADD THESE TO YOUR SCENE BEATS, in the order they should appear!

Excellent!

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#52 kkffoo

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Posted 15 November 2012 - 11:49 AM

ACT I

We meet your character.

Peasant cottage lit by an oil lamp. MAGGY TREVALYCK is scraping bristles from pigskin and singing. BRENDA RAMSBOTTOM slaps her and Maggy stops singing. The slap has revealed a peculiar shaped birthmark hiding under Maggy's fringe. Maggy quickly hides it again.
What happens in between meeting your character and the midway point?
Maggy witnesses Jame's men evicting a peasant family, and stealing the dead grandma's cloak in the confusion. She is incensed.

MIDWAY

Their life is interrupted, but they learn something that saves them in ACT III

Maggy stands by Foley Manor gates. One gatepost has a strange carving under the lettering 'Foley Manor'. MAGGY lifts her fringe unknowingly to touch her birthmark. The shape of the carving and birthmark match. Just then JAMES and his men gallop through. JAMES laughs as MAGGY is thrown pushed? into a muddy ditch.

What happens from midway to the first plot point?

Maggy sneaks into Foley hall, she plans to retrieve the dead peasant's cloak. She witnesses James set fire to the mansion. A henchman discovers her and threatens to expose her if he can't have his evil way. She breaks free , finally leaping through the flames into Lady Foley's bedroom.


PLOT POINT I

The Manor is in flames. Maggy stumbles through smoke, choking for air. Her dirty foot brushes against a dead woman's hand. It's Lady Foley. She's repulsed until flames glint off the woman's jeweled necklace. Maggy grabs the necklace and heads for the window - James bursts into the room, As Maggy open the window to leap out leaps from the window, a rush of air rushed through the room, lifting papers and fanning the flames.

The dead woman's fringe is blown back and we see an identical birthmark on her forehead. James jumps through the flames , then swings from a vine and lands in a pool of hounds and men on the driveway. The gang chase Maggy into the woods, where she is rescued by TOMMY, who pulls her out of their path at the last moment.



ACT II

Your character tries to grasp what has happened to them. (remember our earlier exercise).

MAGGY and TOMMY are hiding out. MAGGY shows TOMMY the necklace, with the clasp in the same shape as the Foley birthmark. TOMMY is horrified..MAGGY doesn't understand the value of the item she took, they may both be hanged.

What happens between the first scene of ACT II and first turn around?

Maggy and Tommy are spotted by James and flee across fields and woods.


TURN AROUND 1

They have an encounter with the enemy but in the process meet someone that will help them. (remember our earlier exercise).


The Hounds pick up Maggy's scent and chase the pair to the edge of a lake. TOMMY drags Maggy to a boathouse on a small island. They hide-out but are found by Mr Pinkwhistle the gamekeeper.
What happens between the first and second turn around?
He takes them for common thieves when he spots the bracelet, but after they tell their story he reveals he also is trying to thwart James, who threw him out of his cottage.



TURN AROUND 2

Your character's are seemingly defeated. (Remember our earlier exercise)

MR PINKWHISTLE offers to help MAGGY find her true ancestry, if she and TOMMY will help him thwart James from taking over Foley Manor. The two heroes agree to steal incriminating documents which show James was responsible for burning down Foley Manor. The Hounds return and Mr Pinkwhistle can not divert them. James knocks the game keeper unconscious, then ties up Tommy and Maggy in a small boat, knocks a hole in it and pushes them out on the lake. They sink beneath the water .

PLOT POINT II

REFER TO EARLIER EXERCISE.

James imagines they are gone & leaves, but Tommy uses the bracelet to cut through the ropes underwater, and he and Maggy swim to a nearby reedbed, where they find Mr P unconscious but alive. They drag him out of the water. They hear James talking about hiding incriminating documents in the clock tower. Maggy's wet hair reveals her birthmark, and Tommy and Mr P suddenly realise the significance.

What happens between the second turn around and the beginning of ACT III?
Tommy accidentally drops the bracelet and James finds it in the grass.


ACT III

THE FIGHT WITH YOU ENEMY ENSUES.


TOMMY, MR P and MAGGY break into the INN where JAMES is staying and try to steal back the bracelet. TOMMY is injured and Mr P herds some noisy geese to divert attention as Tommy and Maggy break into James's room. Jame's takes Mr P for a local and rushes outside to shut him up.

In the rush maggy's dress is caught on a nail and james returns before they can get out. The two heroes are nearly caught & hide in a wardrobe, where Maggy finds a grand ballgown. She swaps her torn clothes and TOMMY is amazed by the transformation, she looks just like Lady Foley. MAGGY leaps out of the wardrobe in the middle of the night, pretends to be the ghost of Lady Foley and tricks JAMES into giving up the bracelet.
What happens between the first scene of ACT III and the victory?
Maggy finds the documents behind a loose stone in the tower wall. James and his men arrive in the town square.


PLACE YOUR ENDING SCENE HERE

JAMES finds Maggy's discarded clothes, and he realizes he has been tricked. He realize MR P, TOMMY and MAGGY will head for the clock tower where JAMES hidden the secret documents.
He rounds up his men to give chase.

OUTCOME

JAMES shoots TOMMY, then nearly falls to his death as the London Police arrive, having been alerted by MR PINKWHISTLE.
Maggy hold James' hand, but he grabs for the bracelet and fall tot he cobbles below.
The magistrate is arrested. In the grand dress all the local peasantry can see that MAGGY looks just like the Foley family, and the hidden documents prove that Lady Foley was her grandmother (her mother having been disowned for marrying beneath her station and then dying in childbirth)

What happens between the victory and the resolution?
The London police recognise James's body as a known trickster, wanted for many crimes. Brenda is arrested. A london lawyer who has accompanied the police reads the recovered documents, and comments on Maggy's birthmark. The corrupt magistrate is thrown into the stocks by angry locals.

RESOLUTION


MAGGY is recognised as the true heir to the Foley Fortune and starts rebuilding Foley Manor and bringing the peasants back to their cottages. She and Tommy are married. Mr P is their Estate Manager BRENDA RAMSBOTTOM is proved to be a co-conspiritor and is deported to Australia to work on a pig farm.


#53 aroundworld

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 06:43 AM

QUOTE (kkffoo @ Nov 15 2012, 11:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
ACT I

We meet your character.

Peasant cottage lit by an oil lamp. MAGGY TREVALYCK is scraping bristles from pigskin and singing. BRENDA RAMSBOTTOM slaps her and Maggy stops singing. The slap has revealed a peculiar shaped birthmark hiding under Maggy's fringe. Maggy quickly hides it again.

What happens in between meeting your character and the midway point?

Maggy witnesses Jame's men evicting a peasant family, and stealing the dead grandma's cloak in the confusion. She is incensed.

MIDWAY

Their life is interrupted, but they learn something that saves them in ACT III

Maggy stands by Foley Manor gates. One gatepost has a strange carving under the lettering 'Foley Manor'. MAGGY lifts her fringe unknowingly to touch her birthmark. The shape of the carving and birthmark match. Just then JAMES and his men gallop through. JAMES laughs as MAGGY is pushed into a muddy ditch.

What happens from midway to the first plot point?

Maggy sneaks into Foley hall, she plans to retrieve the dead peasant's cloak. She witnesses James set fire to the mansion. A henchman discovers her and threatens to expose her if he can't have his evil way. She breaks free , finally leaping through the flames into Lady Foley's bedroom.


PLOT POINT I

The Manor is in flames. Maggy stumbles through smoke, choking for air. Her dirty foot brushes against a dead woman's hand. It's Lady Foley. She's repulsed until flames glint off the woman's jeweled necklace. Maggy grabs the necklace and heads for the window - James bursts into the room, As Maggy open the window to leap out leaps from the window, a rush of air rushed through the room, lifting papers and fanning the flames.

The dead woman's fringe is blown back and we see an identical birthmark on her forehead. James jumps through the flames , then swings from a vine and lands in a pool of hounds and men on the driveway. The gang chase Maggy into the woods, where she is rescued by TOMMY, who pulls her out of their path at the last moment.

The Manor is in flames. Maggy stumbles through smoke, choking for air. Her dirty foot brushes against a dead woman's hand. It's Lady Foley. She's repulsed until flames glint off the woman's jeweled necklace. Maggy grabs the necklace and heads for the window - James bursts into the room. Maggy opens the window to escape. A rush of air blows through the room, fanning the flames.

The dead woman's fringe is blown back and we see an identical birthmark on her forehead. James jumps through the flames and follows Maggy out the window, swinging form a vine and lands in a pool of hounds and men on the driveway. The gang chase Maggy into the woods, where she is rescued by TOMMY, who pulls her out of their path at the last moment.



I made minor changes in the wording of your scene. I mostly TOOK WORDS AWAY. Try to keep your idea flowing with fewer words. I know this is harder, because it requires more think time. We spit our ideas on the page, then go back and polish later.
[/color]




ACT II

Your character tries to grasp what has happened to them. (remember our earlier exercise).

MAGGY and TOMMY are hiding out. MAGGY shows TOMMY the necklace, with the clasp in the same shape as the Foley birthmark. TOMMY is horrified..MAGGY doesn't understand the value of the item she took, they may both be hanged.

What happens between the first scene of ACT II and first turn around?

Maggy and Tommy are spotted by James and flee across fields and woods.


TURN AROUND 1

They have an encounter with the enemy but in the process meet someone that will help them. (remember our earlier exercise).


The Hounds pick up Maggy's scent and chase the pair to the edge of a lake. TOMMY drags Maggy to a boathouse on a small island. They hide-out but are found by Mr Pinkwhistle the gamekeeper.

What happens between the first and second turn around?

He takes them for common thieves when he spots the bracelet, but after they tell their story he reveals he also is trying to thwart James, who threw him out of his cottage.

TURN AROUND 2

Your character's are seemingly defeated. (Remember our earlier exercise)

MR PINKWHISTLE offers to help MAGGY find her true ancestry, if she and TOMMY will help him thwart James from taking over Foley Manor. The two heroes agree to steal incriminating documents which show James was responsible for burning down Foley Manor. The Hounds return and Mr Pinkwhistle can not divert them. James knocks the game keeper unconscious, then ties up Tommy and Maggy in a small boat, knocks a hole in it and pushes them out on the lake. They sink beneath the water .

PLOT POINT II

REFER TO EARLIER EXERCISE.

James imagines they are gone & leaves, but Tommy uses the bracelet to cut through the ropes underwater, and he and Maggy swim to a nearby reedbed, where they find Mr P unconscious but alive. They drag him out of the water. They hear James talking about hiding incriminating documents in the clock tower. Maggy's wet hair reveals her birthmark, and Tommy and Mr P suddenly realise the significance.

As you develop this remember, James is going to need a TANGIBLE REASON for hiding those papers in the clock tower.

We avoid STORY FLAWS by having TANGIBLE REASONS for things happening.


What happens between the second turn around and the beginning of ACT III?

Tommy accidentally drops the bracelet and James finds it in the grass.


ACT III

THE FIGHT WITH YOU ENEMY ENSUES.


TOMMY, MR P and MAGGY break into the INN where JAMES is staying and try to steal back the bracelet. TOMMY is injured and Mr P herds some noisy geese to divert attention as Tommy and Maggy break into James's room. Jame's takes Mr P for a local and rushes outside to shut him up.

In the rush maggy's dress is caught on a nail and james returns before they can get out. The two heroes are nearly caught & hide in a wardrobe, where Maggy finds a grand ballgown. She swaps her torn clothes and TOMMY is amazed by the transformation, she looks just like Lady Foley. MAGGY leaps out of the wardrobe in the middle of the night, pretends to be the ghost of Lady Foley and tricks JAMES into giving up the bracelet.

What happens between the first scene of ACT III and the victory?

Maggy finds the documents behind a loose stone in the tower wall. James and his men arrive in the town square.


PLACE YOUR ENDING SCENE HERE

JAMES finds Maggy's discarded clothes, and he realizes he has been tricked. He realize MR P, TOMMY and MAGGY will head for the clock tower where JAMES hidden the secret documents.
He rounds up his men to give chase.

OUTCOME

JAMES shoots TOMMY, then nearly falls to his death as the London Police arrive, having been alerted by MR PINKWHISTLE.
Maggy hold James' hand, but he grabs for the bracelet and falls to his death on the cobbles below.
The magistrate is arrested. In the grand dress all the local peasantry can see that MAGGY looks just like the Foley family, and the hidden documents prove that Lady Foley was her grandmother


What happens between the victory and the resolution?

(her mother having been disowned for marrying beneath her station and then dying in childbirth)

The above should be revealed by the lawyer.


The London police recognise James's body as a known trickster, wanted for many crimes. Brenda is arrested. A london lawyer who has accompanied the police reads the recovered documents, and comments on Maggy's birthmark. The corrupt magistrate is thrown into the stocks by angry locals.

RESOLUTION


MAGGY is recognised as the true heir to the Foley Fortune and starts rebuilding Foley Manor and bringing the peasants back to their cottages. She and Tommy are married. Mr P is their Estate Manager BRENDA RAMSBOTTOM is proved to be a co-conspiritor and is deported to Australia to work on a pig farm.


What happened to the peasant family's cloak?


Well done! This is taking on some life and feeling a bit more like an out line, which was my goal. I didn't say as much because I didn't want it to feel overwhelming.

Please consider the notes I've posted on your work, and think them through. We'll wait for the others before we move on.

GOOD JOB, Kate!





There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#54 aroundworld

aroundworld

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Posted 25 November 2012 - 12:04 PM

We're going to carry over the last assignments for this module to MOD 7.

So this will conclude MOD 6.

There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153



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