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SCREEN WRITING CLASS - MODULE 3


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#41 aroundworld

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Posted 09 September 2012 - 01:30 PM

QUOTE (kkffoo @ Sep 9 2012, 08:23 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It was your version of my original which I thought was better.
This second attempt was to try and fix in my mind the idea of making the audience aware of the danger upfront.



That's a great direction! AND THANK YOU, for working this through in your thinking. My version is till your idea!

All I did was rearrange the order in which things happen. smile.gif

And actually, I like your first attempt better because it's more cinematic. It's up close and very relatable!

I Love WWII movies, my father served in the navy in the pacific during that time, had two ships blown out from under him by Jap subs.

I digress, of course you could use a dog fight as an opener, but with your other idea you have a PLANT (the bracelet) and that little bracelet has enormous potential to cause Maggy to go down a road of mystery and adventure fraught with danger and bravery! biggrin.gif

And so I have a request. wink.gif Would be a terrible bother to expand on Maggie's adventure?

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#42 kkffoo

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Posted 09 September 2012 - 02:17 PM

Flames consume an old mansion. A young peasant girl stumbles through smoke, choking for air. Her dirty foot brushes against a dead woman's hand. She's repulsed until flames glint off the woman's jeweled bracelet.
The double doors of the library burst open, a mob of servants, led by James the butler, rush in but are repelled by the flames and choking smoke, just as Maggy leaps from the first floor window, the bracelet in her hand.
Maggy speeds across driveway, heading for the wood.
The mob emerge from the flaming manor, led by James and surrounded by excited, barking dogs.
Maggy dives into a stream and hides under the root of an ancient tree.
The butler halts the mob nearby and gestures the hounds ahead.
They search for Maggy's trail.

#43 aroundworld

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Posted 09 September 2012 - 02:37 PM

QUOTE (JosephKw @ Sep 7 2012, 04:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for the great, in-depth evaluation. I think I got caught up with the previous assignment regarding the visuals (shadow bar couple screenshot) that I forgot this was the opening scene of a film so we need more expectation and setup. Ok, how's this for an opening scene then...

This is just as powerful as you first effort. Good Job! HOWEVER, I want to point out some things you need to get out of the habit of doing. smile.gif



I can see this:
An aged photo of an elderly woman is held by gnarled, old hands.



I can see this:
A drop of clear liquid splashes on the photo.

Mr. MEL EIN, 70, pristinely dressed in a newly-pressed suit and tie, stares fixedly at the photo in his hands, weeping. Mel puts the photo down, beside a pistol, and picks the pistol up instead.



I CANNOT SEE:
"newly-pressed".

Don't tell us what something is, SHOW US. smile.gif

Think for a moment, how can I see "newly-pressed" on the screen? I can't see that.

WHAT I CAN SEE: A suit and tie.

Here's what I'm driving at; if you don't write on the page: "Mr. Mel wears a tattered suit" the reader/audience won't see that on the screen. If you describe it as: well groomed or clean shaven in a suit and tie, I can see that.

We can't see newly-pressed beacuse we didn't SEE him pick-up his dry cleaning. Does that make sense?

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#44 JosephKw

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Posted 10 September 2012 - 01:09 AM

I used that term only as a description of the look of his outfit--it could've been sitting in his closet for months inside a garment bag. I only wrote "newly-pressed" to cut down on the verbiage. Otherwise I guess I could've written "unwrinkled, spotless, with crisp crease lines"? So for this situation I guess I have to think about how the reader may interpret the words I use. Good point.

#45 aroundworld

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Posted 10 September 2012 - 04:05 AM

QUOTE (JosephKw @ Sep 10 2012, 01:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I used that term only as a description of the look of his outfit--it could've been sitting in his closet for months inside a garment bag. I only wrote "newly-pressed" to cut down on the verbiage. Otherwise I guess I could've written "unwrinkled, spotless, with crisp crease lines"? So for this situation I guess I have to think about how the reader may interpret the words I use. Good point.


I did the same things (still do in a hurry) As I said at the beginning of the semester, it's easier and more natural to write in prose (we tell) people what is happening instead of "showing" them.

NO worries! We're learning and this stuff takes time and only works when you practice it. smile.gif

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#46 kkffoo

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Posted 10 September 2012 - 01:21 PM

Question about Red Herrings.
When and how is it ok to have a plant which doesn't payoff...or is it necessary to tidy up all plants in some way? (even if it is to discount them).

#47 rgr

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Posted 10 September 2012 - 02:11 PM

QUOTE (aroundworld @ Sep 8 2012, 08:55 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Descriptions are a bit lengthy, but clear. This is a fun scene and would be a good opener with a few tweaks. I'll get to those later.

1. Why does Cabal have ash on his face?


because he passed out while smoking -- I was trying to be economical tongue.gif didn't quite work

QUOTE


2. What significance does the phone being unplugged have?


so no calls could come in -- this isn't so much a rowdy crowd as a dangerous and paranoid crowd. why were the shades drawn? so no light could come in, but also so nobody could see into the room. I obviously didn't do a good job of expressing this in only two paragraphs.

QUOTE


To avoid STORY FLAWS, the above must mean something and add to the story. Remember, this is your opening scene.


The ash on CABAL'S face and the phone unplugged must have some kind of significance! In screenwriting, EVERYTHING on the page contributes something to the story. Think through it. If it doesn't tell us something get rid of it.



I see, in the story the ash is not so important I guess, but in my head it was meant to speak to the the untidiness of his situation. It seemed like it belonged when I was writing it, but I can certainly see your point for getting rid of it.

QUOTE


Economical writing





CABAL wakes up brushing ash from his face. He's the first one awake in a room full of passed out bikers. There's a litter of whiskey bottles, mostly empty, some drug paraphernalia, and musical instruments strewn about the room. The shades are all drawn and the phone on the counter is unplugged.

Cabal roots through the pockets of the passed out bikers, pocketing money and cigarettes, grabs one of the guitars off the floor. As he cracks the door to leave, a blinding light shines into the room. He shields his eyes, steps back inside, steals a pair of sunglasses off the counter, and hurries out the door into the light.




CABAL, 20, stirs awake. He rises from the barroom floor littered with comatose bikers, empty whiskey bottles and some broken guitars. He roots through the pockets of his unconscious comrades; money, Zippo lighters, cigarettes, a pack of over-sized condoms. Then to the last man by the door; bike keys, a gold skeleton key - A GOLD SKELETON KEY?

Cabal grabs the man's wallet and stuffs it in his pocket with the gold key. A quick look about the room. On the bar he spots a bunch of SPILLED SHOT GLASSES with ONE STILL FULL. He downs the last shot and opens the door. BAM! The sunlight pushes him back inside. Cabal grabs a pair of shades from the man who had the gold key, he stirs - Cabal is out the door.


By the end of this OPENING SCENE, we know several things:

1. Cabal is part of a hard living crowd (bikers)

2. Cabal can't be trusted


LOL, in my story, Cabal is the protagonist sad.gif He is a victim of circumstance and is fleeing this crowd -- but I clearly didn't do a good job of communicating that in this opening scene. To be honest, I wasn't thinking that the opening scene would even reveal that but rather that we would need to get to know Cabal before that became clear. I may be thinking too much like a novel?

QUOTE


3. He's got a golden key of Mystery

4. By the last shot on the bar, this is probably his "last shot" at something in life.

5. Those bikers aren't going to rest until they find Cabal


This is what an opening scene should do. Each of the five questions above MUST PAYOFF (be resolved) by the end of the film to avoid STORY FLAWS.



I took some liberties with your idea Rgr, only to show how much you can communicate in the same amount of space with economical writing.

You had a guitar as a central object of interest (MacGuffin). I used a key (it was easier for me to carry smile.gif) either object would work fine.

My point here is: (This is to everyone): You want something for the audience to focus in on that represents the characters need, that will pay off at the end of the film.

Any questions?


Not so much a question but an observation -- if I want to tell the story i had in my head, it doesn't seem like the simplicity of this format is a good mapping. The story you changed it to fit the format a lot better, but wasn't the story I had in mind. What would it take to have a first scene, opening shot, whatever, that isn't as clear or obvious, but about which more will be revealed?

For example, the ash on his face may have left a smudge he would have noticed in a rest room mirror and maybe had a flashback as to how it got there ... a glimpse of the previous night spend mostly in blackout from drinking, just not in the first two paragraphs.

I'm just thinking that if I need to tell so much of the story in the opening scene, it seems a little constraining and I'm wondering if there are formats where this information can still be compelling even if it's not entirely clear why yet. (note: I'm sure I didn't do a good job of this, but I'm wondering if it can be done this way at all).

Thanks so much again for your time and patience!

#48 aroundworld

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Posted 10 September 2012 - 06:38 PM

QUOTE (kkffoo @ Sep 10 2012, 01:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Question about Red Herrings.
When and how is it ok to have a plant which doesn't payoff...or is it necessary to tidy up all plants in some way? (even if it is to discount them).


Make sure all your plants payoff, even if it is to discount them. When you do discount them, make sure it fits the story somehow. Otherwise you cheapen the effect.

When you use this technique it's easy to over complicate your story. I would start with a clear story path from the plant to the payoff, then go back and think of creative ways to mislead without over-complicating the story.

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#49 aroundworld

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Posted 10 September 2012 - 11:08 PM

QUOTE (rgr @ Sep 10 2012, 02:11 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
because he passed out while smoking -- I was trying to be economical tongue.gif didn't quite work



so no calls could come in -- this isn't so much a rowdy crowd as a dangerous and paranoid crowd. why were the shades drawn? so no light could come in, but also so nobody could see into the room. I obviously didn't do a good job of expressing this in only two paragraphs.




I see, in the story the ash is not so important I guess, but in my head it was meant to speak to the the untidiness of his situation. It seemed like it belonged when I was writing it, but I can certainly see your point for getting rid of it.

This happens a lot. We have all the blanks filled in (in our imagination), so all the details make sense to us. Then when someone else sees the ashes and the phone unplugged, all they have are questions while the answers are still in the imagination of the writer. laugh.gif



LOL, in my story, Cabal is the protagonist sad.gif He is a victim of circumstance and is fleeing this crowd -- but I clearly didn't do a good job of communicating that in this opening scene. To be honest, I wasn't thinking that the opening scene would even reveal that but rather that we would need to get to know Cabal before that became clear. I may be thinking too much like a novel?



Not so much a question but an observation -- if I want to tell the story i had in my head, it doesn't seem like the simplicity of this format is a good mapping. The story you changed it to fit the format a lot better, but wasn't the story I had in mind. What would it take to have a first scene, opening shot, whatever, that isn't as clear or obvious, but about which more will be revealed?

For example, the ash on his face may have left a smudge he would have noticed in a rest room mirror and maybe had a flashback as to how it got there ... a glimpse of the previous night spend mostly in blackout from drinking, just not in the first two paragraphs.

I'm just thinking that if I need to tell so much of the story in the opening scene, it seems a little constraining and I'm wondering if there are formats where this information can still be compelling even if it's not entirely clear why yet. (note: I'm sure I didn't do a good job of this, but I'm wondering if it can be done this way at all).

Thanks so much again for your time and patience!


Your welcome, and it's my pleasure! smile.gif


There's a few examples that allude to the way you'd like to tell your story.

Memento: has a highly fragmented story line that still fits the three act structure, and is loaded with flashbacks.

Kill Bill: Is similarly arranged to how you want to tell your story. Starting with the bride, then jumping from scene to scene and tying them together in a non-linear fashion. Until the second film KB 2, where the story gets a little more linear at the end.



"I'm just thinking that if I need to tell so much of the story in the opening scene, it seems a little constraining and I'm wondering if there are formats where this information can still be compelling even if it's not entirely clear why yet. (note: I'm sure I didn't do a good job of this, but I'm wondering if it can be done this way at all)."


Make your opening scene as deliberate as possible. Clear vivid imagery. Worry about being subtle later, at this point just make sure we (the audience) are sure about what we're watching. Your first attempt was good, it just needed to be more deliberate.

One more note:

If you look at my version of YOUR IDEA, I didn't really give away any information. What I did was

1. Introduce the Character.

2. Introduce an object of interest; the gold key that leads US on a journey of discovery with Cabal.

3. Create a situation HE MUST OVERCOME (the bikers).


Ok, we've thought ("talked") through your scene. We've identified the things that don't work. Have another go at it (if you choose to). And see how it works! smile.gif

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#50 aroundworld

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Posted 10 September 2012 - 11:49 PM

Flames consume an old mansion. A young peasant girl stumbles through smoke, choking for air. Her dirty foot brushes against a dead woman's hand. She's repulsed until flames glint off the woman's jeweled bracelet.
The double doors of the library burst open, a mob of servants, led by James the butler, rush in but are repelled by the flames and choking smoke, just as Maggy leaps from the first floor window, the bracelet in her hand.
Maggy speeds across driveway, heading for the wood.
The mob emerge from the flaming manor, led by James and surrounded by excited, barking dogs.
Maggy dives into a stream and hides under the root of an ancient tree.
The butler halts the mob nearby and gestures the hounds ahead.
They search for Maggy's trail.


QUOTE (kkffoo @ Sep 9 2012, 02:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Flames consume an old mansion. A young peasant girl stumbles through smoke, choking for air. Her dirty foot brushes against a dead woman's hand. She's repulsed until flames glint off the woman's jeweled bracelet.

The double doors of the library burst open, a mob of servants, led by James the butler, rush in but are repelled by the flames and choking smoke, just as Maggy leaps from the first floor window, the bracelet in her hand.

Maggy speeds across the driveway, heading for the wood.
The mob emerge from the flaming manor, led by James and surrounded by excited, barking dogs.

Maggy dives into a stream and hides under a large exposed root of an ancient tree.
The butler James halts the mob nearby and gestures as the snarling hounds run ahead. They search for Maggy's trail.



What I did above was eliminate words that distracted form the immediacy of the action. Read it without the words I struck out.

"Choking smoke" appears as though "the smoke is choking" smile.gif

We know who James is so, you can call him by his name.

I'M HOOKED!

Maggy is a needy character. Young, Poor, unkempt, desperate; running from people that want to do her harm.

We love her already. We are on the adventure! smile.gif At the end of the movie, that bracelet MUST HAVE MAJOR SIGNIFICANCE and it MUST show up in the last scene.

GREAT JOB!

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#51 squirrelygirl

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Posted 11 September 2012 - 01:01 AM

QUOTE (aroundworld @ Sep 5 2012, 07:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Right into the action! smile.gif

Because I'm the audience I have some questions.

Who are they attacking?

Why are they attacking?

What's going to happen?


Not bad for four guys brandishing swords, hooking the audience! Because this is the opening of an action movie you have to PAY THIS OFF VERY QUICKLY with something that has BIG CONSEQUENCES for the rest of the film. The other half of this sequence MUST give the audience SOMETHING TO EXPECT by the end of the film.

Is this scene loaded with visual conflict? Not yet. But it is setup for immediate suspense and delayed conflict! How? Lets take a look! cool.gif


We're watching these four big swordsmen approach, they draw their swords and advance.

The scene changes to the inside of the cottage. This raises suspense. Why? Because we don't see what the four swordsmen are doing! We know they're going to break in, but when and what will they do?

Another way to increase suspense here; maybe the cottage dwellers know the men are coming. They hide. Maybe they're helpless old folk protecting a secret.

It could be that the old folk are changelings. We don't know this. When the men break in the old folk are discovered and we fear for their lives. But then they're provoked and change to Ravenous wolves and kill three of the four men.

Something unexpected! This would set up the movie for a BIG ENDING.


Every movie with structure, will introduce a dilemma or question by the end of ACT I that must be addressed, solved or have some kind of resolution by the end of the movie. Even if it ends with a question.

Major FLAWS in stories happen when the audience is left with no TANGIBLE reason (PAYOFF) for what they've watched for the last 90min.


Thank you! smile.gif

When I wrote the opening scene I was already thinking about the second scene. As a viewer I would want to know what was up with the cottage. My idea for the second scene would be to show what's going on in the cottage.

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#52 rgr

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Posted 11 September 2012 - 02:03 AM

QUOTE (aroundworld @ Sep 10 2012, 11:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Your welcome, and it's my pleasure! smile.gif


There's a few examples that allude to the way you'd like to tell your story.

Memento: has a highly fragmented story line that still fits the three act structure, and is loaded with flashbacks.

Kill Bill: Is similarly arranged to how you want to tell your story. Starting with the bride, then jumping from scene to scene and tying them together in a non-linear fashion. Until the second film KB 2, where the story gets a little more linear at the end.



"I'm just thinking that if I need to tell so much of the story in the opening scene, it seems a little constraining and I'm wondering if there are formats where this information can still be compelling even if it's not entirely clear why yet. (note: I'm sure I didn't do a good job of this, but I'm wondering if it can be done this way at all)."


Make your opening scene as deliberate as possible. Clear vivid imagery. Worry about being subtle later, at this point just make sure we (the audience) are sure about what we're watching. Your first attempt was good, it just needed to be more deliberate.

One more note:

If you look at my version of YOUR IDEA, I didn't really give away any information. What I did was

1. Introduce the Character.

2. Introduce an object of interest; the gold key that leads US on a journey of discovery with Cabal.

3. Create a situation HE MUST OVERCOME (the bikers).


Ok, we've thought ("talked") through your scene. We've identified the things that don't work. Have another go at it (if you choose to). And see how it works! smile.gif


First, let me just say that I'm enjoying this WAY more than I thought I would, and it's exciting! Thanks so much.

This is my revised attempt (I stole your key idea, but with my own twist):

CABAL, 20 years old, unshaven, dressed in tattered denim and a dirty pocket T, wakes up on the floor of a cheap motel room. He's the first one awake in a room full of passed out bikers. There's a litter of whiskey bottles, mostly empty, some drug paraphernalia, and musical instruments strewn about the room. The shades are all drawn.

Cabal carefully roots through the pockets of the still passed out bikers, pocketing money and cigarettes, a zippo lighter. He finds a small locker key in the vest of one of the bikers and drops it into his shirt pocket. As he cracks the door to leave, a blinding light shines into the room. He shields his eyes, steps back inside. He turns and stares at an old acoustic guitar on the floor, closes his eyes for a moment, then quickly grabs the guitar. He then steals a pair of sunglasses off the head of one of the other bikers and hurries out the door into the light.

#53 aroundworld

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Posted 11 September 2012 - 03:24 AM

QUOTE (rgr @ Sep 11 2012, 02:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
First, let me just say that I'm enjoying this WAY more than I thought I would, and it's exciting! Thanks so much.

This is my revised attempt (I stole your key idea, but with my own twist):

CABAL, 20 years old, unshaven, dressed in tattered denim and a dirty pocket T, wakes up on the floor of a cheap motel room. He's the first one awake in a room full of passed out bikers. There's a litter of whiskey bottles, mostly empty, some drug paraphernalia, and musical instruments strewn about the room. The shades are all drawn.

The following is how a producer/director would approach changes in this.

Ok, you've told me twice he woke up. You're wasting precious page space.

"The shades are drawn" will due. The camera isn't going to look at all the windows. wink.gif

Lose the drug paraphernalia, it's to small and why would we waste film focusing on it. The bikers are already in a drunken sleep. The point is made!

There's stuff here that's just ex-positional fat, and should be cut.


"CABAL, 20, unshaven, in tattered denim and a dirty pocket T. Wakes up on the floor of a cheap motel room, full of passed out bikers. A litter of whiskey bottles, mostly empty; some drug paraphernalia, and musical instruments strewn about. The shades are drawn."


The above are your words, I just cut the fat so it would read faster and feel more immediate.

This is what I'm looking for. If I was reading this to pass to studio execs, I would want to see something like this or the example I wrote earlier.

As I said earlier, it's most natural to write exposition (like a novel), but screen writing IS A DIFFERENT animal.

You have a great idea here, keep at it. smile.gif





Cabal carefully roots through the pockets of the still passed out bikers, pocketing money and cigarettes, a zippo lighter. He finds a small locker key in the vest of one of the bikers and drops it into his shirt pocket. As he cracks the door to leave, a blinding light shines into the room. He shields his eyes, steps back inside. He turns and stares at an old acoustic guitar on the floor, closes his eyes for a moment, then quickly grabs the guitar. He then steals a pair of sunglasses off the head of one of the other bikers and hurries out the door into the light.


CABAL, 20 years old, unshaven, dressed in tattered denim and a dirty pocket T.

The above sentence is the strongest description in the scene. Here's why:

If I was a director, and I was being nice, I would tell you "I can't show the word "dressed" on the screen". It just won't show up on camera".

A faster and more immediate read of this line would be:

CABAL, 20, unshaven in tattered denim and a dirty pocket T.

Everything above are your words! THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE. smile.gif


By writing "in tattered denim and a dirty pocket T", you've told me he's "dressed"!

By writing "CABAL, 20," you've told me how old he is!


I like the fact that you made the guitar old, it makes us wonder what it's worth, does it have something to do with the key? Nice!

Better! If you like, see if you can make it a bit less "novel like" (ex-positional).

Thanks for hanging in with me Rgr! smile.gif




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#54 aroundworld

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Posted 11 September 2012 - 06:15 PM

So how are you guys feeling about your opening scenes so far? Can I help in any way?

In the next few days, I'd like to rap up your opening scenes as best we can. If you're not sure about what direction to take with it, let me know and we'll brainstorm on it. smile.gif



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#55 rgr

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Posted 12 September 2012 - 04:08 AM

QUOTE (aroundworld @ Sep 11 2012, 03:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
CABAL, 20 years old, unshaven, dressed in tattered denim and a dirty pocket T.

The above sentence is the strongest description in the scene. Here's why:

If I was a director, and I was being nice, I would tell you "I can't show the word "dressed" on the screen". It just won't show up on camera".

A faster and more immediate read of this line would be:

CABAL, 20, unshaven in tattered denim and a dirty pocket T.

Everything above are your words! THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE. smile.gif


By writing "in tattered denim and a dirty pocket T", you've told me he's "dressed"!

By writing "CABAL, 20," you've told me how old he is!


I like the fact that you made the guitar old, it makes us wonder what it's worth, does it have something to do with the key? Nice!

Better! If you like, see if you can make it a bit less "novel like" (ex-positional).

Thanks for hanging in with me Rgr! smile.gif





This is really a lot of fun. I have another revision. I'm trying to hone in on something in my head, but also trying to use what I'm learning with each iteration. Thanks again for your patience!


CABAL, 20, unshaven, in tattered denim and a dirty pocket T. Wakes up on the floor of a cheap motel room. He's clutching a hash pipe. He tosses the pipe away, gets up and groggily surveys the room. There are 3 bikers passed out, empty whiskey bottles strewn about, and an old acoustic guitar face down on the floor. The shades are drawn.

Cabal carefully searches the bikers. He finds some money and cigarets and puts them in his pocket, keeps searching. He finds a small locker key in the vest of one of the bikers, drops it in his shirt pocket and turns to leave. He pauses, looks back at the guitar, grabs it and opens the door. A blinding light shines in. He reaches back and snatches a pair of sun glasses off the head of one of the bikers and heads out into the light, closing the door behind him.

#56 kkffoo

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Posted 12 September 2012 - 07:07 AM

QUOTE (aroundworld @ Sep 11 2012, 06:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So how are you guys feeling about your opening scenes so far? Can I help in any way?

In the next few days, I'd like to rap up your opening scenes as best we can. If you're not sure about what direction to take with it, let me know and we'll brainstorm on it. smile.gif




HI AW, by wrapping up do you mean you'd like us to write more?

#57 aroundworld

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Posted 12 September 2012 - 06:51 PM

QUOTE (kkffoo @ Sep 12 2012, 07:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
HI AW, by wrapping up do you mean you'd like us to write more?


Thanks Kate! laugh.gif

I don't want you guys to get board with the same subject matter. If we were in a regular University setting my expectations would be different. You all have busy lives, and I want to respect that. smile.gif

I just want to make the best of the time you and the rest of the class have so graciously given me to practice my training! smile.gif

All of you have developed very workable scenes for where this class is headed, and will fit nicely in the upcoming modules.



If you guys want to stay in MOD 3 for a bit longer we can do that! biggrin.gif

There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#58 kkffoo

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Posted 13 September 2012 - 07:09 AM

I'm actually struggling to write more. Every direction I take seems to need dialogue.

#59 aroundworld

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Posted 13 September 2012 - 11:22 AM

QUOTE (kkffoo @ Sep 13 2012, 07:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm actually struggling to write more. Every direction I take seems to need dialogue.



That's no problem. smile.gif We're shifting gears!! laugh.gif

There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#60 aroundworld

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Posted 13 September 2012 - 11:34 AM

Ok guys, what I'd like you to do is take the version of your opening scene you have at this point;


Leave Maggy in the stream.

Leave Mr. Dett with Mr. Rong.

Something must happen with the cottage dwellers. smile.gif

Cabal is out the door.


Please write your final version and post it. We're going to carry them over to MODULE 4. I hope they're not to heavy! rolleyes.gif

There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153



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