Jump to content


Photo

SCREEN WRITING CLASS - MOD - 12


  • Please log in to reply
42 replies to this topic

#41 kkffoo

kkffoo

    Master Director

  • Pioneers
  • 3266 posts

Posted 25 July 2013 - 02:01 PM

Garage owner Jim has been engaged to the gorgeous Suzy for ten years. She gets fed up, feel he will never marry her, and leaves him for another man, Richard.

1) Though kind and loving, Jim can be a bit lazy, and likes his life the way it is. Richard is very dynamic. In order to compete with R and get back his girl Jim has to pull himself out of a rut and try new things.Once Jim starts to do the things he always said he would his life starts to change forever.

2) Richard's childhood appeared priveleged from the outside, and despite being perennially short of cash, keeping up appearances in middle class suburbia was the prime motivation in his parents' lives. His photographer father blackmailed the head governer of a local posh private school, and Richard gained a scholarship as a result.
(Jim gained a scholarship due to his ability, but failed to make the most of it due to laziness, Richard hates Jim because despite being equally poor, he is both bright, and popular at school)
At St Bendict's Richard was right at the bottom of the heap, being neither rich, nor academically gifted. The experience left him with a raw desire to succeed in life, to get the pretiest girl, have the flashest car, to climb, by whatever means, to the top.

3) Richard's overwhelming desire to prove himself the better man needles Jim into greater and greater efforts to win back the love of his life.

4) Richard would appear right at the start...maybe there could be a parallel set of sequences which switches between Jim and Richard, each doing similar things in very different ways...eg bathroom Richard in swanky marble room, applying face cream...Jim flushing the broken handled toilet by reaching into the cistern, Richard choosing between his fleet of cars and hopping into a sports model, Jim wiping bird muck from a rusty 'fixer-upper' on his forecourt.

Or it could be a school sequence, showing their history.
Maybe Jim doesn't even notice Richard until he steals Suzy away.

#42 aroundworld

aroundworld

    Master Director

  • Pioneers
  • 874 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:USA
  • Interests:Film - writing - directing - aviation - traveling - machinema - reading - acting -

Posted 27 July 2013 - 09:18 PM

QUOTE (kkffoo @ Jul 25 2013, 2:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Garage owner Jim has been engaged to the gorgeous Suzy for ten years. She gets fed up, feel he will never marry her, and leaves him for another man, Richard.

Common . But very solid set up / situation.


1) Though kind and loving, Jim can be a bit lazy, and likes his life the way it is. Richard is very dynamic. In order to compete with R and get back his girl Jim has to pull himself out of a rut and try new things.Once Jim starts to do the things he always said he would his life starts to change forever.

Yes the beginning of his character arch / transformation CAUSED by Richard.. the secondary character. Richard being the EXTERNAL FORCE acting on Jim, our hero... causing him to go in another direction outside of his comfort zone.

2) Richard's childhood appeared priveleged from the outside, and despite being perennially short of cash, keeping up appearances in middle class suburbia was the prime motivation in his parents' lives.

His photographer father blackmailed the head governer of a local posh private school, and Richard gained a scholarship as a result.

(Jim gained a scholarship due to his ability, but failed to make the most of it due to laziness, Richard hates Jim because despite being equally poor, he is both bright, and popular at school)

At St Bendict's Richard was right at the bottom of the heap, being neither rich, nor academically gifted. The experience left him with a raw desire to succeed in life, to get the pretiest girl, have the flashest car, to climb, by whatever means, to the top.

FANTASTIC!!! Not only did you give a plausible back story here, but you interjected the tension in Richard. which underscores his drive to to almost defeat Jim ... you made it personal! Or one up him. EXCELLENT!



3) Richard's overwhelming desire to prove himself the better man needles Jim into greater and greater efforts to win back the love of his life.

Very simple motivation but very clear reasons. Well done!

4) Richard would appear right at the start...maybe there could be a parallel set of sequences which switches between Jim and Richard, each doing similar things in very different ways...eg bathroom Richard in swanky marble room, applying face cream...Jim flushing the broken handled toilet by reaching into the cistern, Richard choosing between his fleet of cars and hopping into a sports model, Jim wiping bird muck from a rusty 'fixer-upper' on his forecourt.

Or it could be a school sequence, showing their history.
Maybe Jim doesn't even notice Richard until he steals Suzy away.

Both are entertaining / effective... personally I like the montage the differences in their lives.



OK, one of the biggest things i want to point out here, is that fact that the secondary character is the POLAR opposite of the main character. GREAT CHOICE! We dont always have to have a secondary or supporting character that is on the heros side! And Richard is clearly not a friend of Jim's. However, his efforts to thwart Jim and one up him actually cause Jim to reach beyond his comfort zone and win the girl back!

This is EXCELLENT! These are all really well placed in the lives of the secondary character. AND we love to hate Richard, because we know he probably really doesn't love Suzy anyway. Great polar opposite causes for Jim to rise to the challenge and solid concrete reasons for things happening here. Again hilarious situation. You and JK have a knack for comedy.


There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#43 aroundworld

aroundworld

    Master Director

  • Pioneers
  • 874 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:USA
  • Interests:Film - writing - directing - aviation - traveling - machinema - reading - acting -

Posted 02 August 2013 - 09:12 PM

QUOTE (JosephKw @ Jul 25 2013, 10:31 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Supporting Character nicknamed "Average Joe". He is the sidekick to superhero "Avenging Joe" (a human from another dimension)

1. How will the supporting character bring out hidden qualities of the main character?

Superhero "AJ" behaves like a stereotypical ideal superhero who behaves larger than life and rigidly adheres to a chivalrous code of conduct. His sidekick, "Average Joe" has no superpowers whatsoever, but tries to do what a superhero sidekick should, and thus fails miserably (due to his lack of any powers or talents). This forces Superhero "AJ" to come down to earth to nurture his mundane companion and provides us with glimpses of the human in this superhuman.

Very clear, vivd - SOLID, CONCRETE, TANGIBLE reason for the super hero to act ... and likewise a solid example of the supporting character acting on the (external force) superhero. REMEMBER! Its ALWAYS external forces acting on our main characters that cause them to make decisions.


2. Give me only three things about their back ground that makes them qualified to support the main character. These could be opposite qualities that cause the main character to rise to the occasion.

One, "Average Joe" has none of the superpowers that superhero "AJ" has, except for his courage and will of steel. This trait earns him the respect of "AJ" since it makes "Average Joe" braver than the superhero himself.

Yes! he's nervy, even with out the the super qualities. Which highlights his bravery even more. Great observation!

Two, "Average Joe" is unemployed and with limited education. "AJ" has unlimited finds and a superior intellect. Yet on many occasions it is "Average Joe's" street-wise knowledge which enables the superhero to complete his missions.

This reminds me so much of the original superman hero / side kik structure. Or even Courageous Cat. The weak always got into trouble... following a hunch the super hero missed. EXCELLENT!


Three, "Average Joe" has faults like the average person does, and superhero "AJ" finds that by studying and learning from "Average Joe", he can better understand and out-think his opponents. However, it is "Average Joe's" faults which also teach the super "AJ" about empathy, compassion and leniency.

Fantastic observation! It's important also to note that sometimes the super hero is the one that teaches the supporting character about these values. But mostly you're right. It is the weak teaching the strong something. But because we, the audience, are weak, we identifies with the supporting character.. and invest much more in the film because "we" are teaching the supper hero something of value. Good job!


3. Tell me what they will do for the main character that will make them (supporting character) memorable.

Actually, my answers to the above apply here as well (the average enhancing the "perfect").



4. Tell me Where in the film you would introduce them and why.

The opening scene, right after introducing the superhero "AJ" so that they mirror each other's actions, with the difference being "AJ"'s actions are super, while "Average Joe's" are unremarkable.

Here's how the introduction looks like: the film starts with a crime in progress. As the culprits are about to escape on the streets, superhero "Avenging Joe" jumps down from a five story building to block their path. As one of the criminals aims his gun at him, "AJ" kicks a garbage can to send it flying into the perp, taking him out. His accomplice runs into an alley only to confront..."Average Joe", who jumps down from a trash bin. The accomplice pulls out a knife, and "Average Joe" kicks an aluminum can into his stomach. Nothing happens. Before the knife-wielding punk can attack, "AJ" gives him the drop.

Excellent contrast! well placed intro of supporting character, here's why:

A. you're starting the film with the ending of a mission. This gives us a look into the normal world of the two heroes.

B. It highlights very specifically their rolls and a possible fore- shadowing of what is to come later in the film. rest assured however, the circumstances will be more dire.



These are excellent, JK!


There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153



  • Please log in to reply


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users