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SCREEN WRITING CLASS - MODULE 5


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#21 aroundworld

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Posted 03 October 2012 - 11:33 AM

QUOTE (squirrelygirl @ Oct 3 2012, 08:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
What would you expect to see in different genres of film?

Action: weapons, explosions, car or horse chases (depending on the setting)

Comedy: comical characters, kids, animals,

Horror: monsters, blood, weapons, ghosts, shadows, rats, spiders and other creepy crawlies, snakes

Sci-Fi: futuristic setting, robots, aliens, space ships, futuristic gadgets

Westerns: horses, cowboys, guns, civil war stuff, railroad,

I'll get a picture done later today after I've slept. smile.gif


All those work! Great! Looking forward to the pic.

Another word for you list is: Genre CONVENTIONS.

Each Genre has it's own CONVENTIONS.


GENRE CONVENTIONS: These are nothing more than what one would expect to see in a:

WESTERN

HORROR MOVIE

ACTION ADVENTURE

ROMANCE FILM

ROMANTIC COMEDY

ETC....


There is no try, only do or do not.

 

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START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#22 squirrelygirl

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 12:34 AM

Okay, I put this together from web images:


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#23 aroundworld

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 02:52 AM

QUOTE (squirrelygirl @ Oct 4 2012, 12:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Okay, I put this together from web images:



GREAT JOB!

This is adventure! The genre could easily be guessed by you poster. Both you and Kate nailed the heart of this assignment! BRAVO!

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#24 JosephKw

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 11:09 AM

A lit cigar in the foreground on the floor glows with a red inferno and provides the light source for the rest of the poster. In the center, Dett, with ripped shirt exposing his 6-pack abs and well-defined pecs extends a bloody fist at the camera with a cry of defiance. Dett's other hand is extended to his side and back, acting as a protective barrier for Polly Chen, in a typical damsel in distress pose. A host of beligerent young goons with various weapons surround them--all their faces are obscured in shadow. Above them all looms the eyes and upper face of Mr. Rong looking down upon the scene with malevolent rage.

#25 aroundworld

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 06:37 PM

QUOTE (JosephKw @ Oct 4 2012, 11:09 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
A lit cigar in the foreground on the floor glows with a red inferno and provides the light source for the rest of the poster. In the center, Dett, with ripped shirt exposing his 6-pack abs and well-defined pecs extends a bloody fist at the camera with a cry of defiance. Dett's other hand is extended to his side and back, acting as a protective barrier for Polly Chen, in a typical damsel in distress pose. A host of beligerent young goons with various weapons surround them--all their faces are obscured in shadow. Above them all looms the eyes and upper face of Mr. Rong looking down upon the scene with malevolent rage.


Sounds like a cool poster, would love to see this!!

Thanks!!

There is no try, only do or do not.

 

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START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#26 aroundworld

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Posted 05 October 2012 - 12:00 AM

Assignment




SCENE BEATS.



The SCENE BEAT communicates the HEART of a particular scene. It is NOT the full blown scene, and is about two, sentences long, NO MORE. It expresses the core event of that scene which MOVES YOUR STORY FORWARD.

Use the skill you've acquired to express a visual scene with the template provided. CUT and PASTE this to your post. I want to see the core event (subtle or big) that moves your character forward in the story.

PURPOSE:

To practice story adaptation and how it fits in the three act structure.



Using the article you found in the news paper... or where ever, I want you to give me SCENE BEATS laid out in the three act structure, like this:


EXAMPLE:

ACT I

BEAT 1.
We meet your character

MIDWAY

BEAT 2.
Your character has a minor interruption BUT THEY LEARN SOMETHING HERE that saves them in ACT III


PLOT POINT I (inciting incident)

BEAT 3.
Your character now has a major interruption of routine that changes their life.


ACT II

BEAT 4.
Your character is reeling from the major event, but manages to catch their breath and try to understand the new situation.


FIRST TURN AROUND


BEAT 5.
Your character faces the enemy, or almost gets caught or nearly gets killed...etc. But through this experience. he/she meets their ally, and together they think of a strategy to win.


SECOND TURN AROUND

BEAT 6.
They face the enemy together (or what ever you story is) and confidently fight, but the enemy is stronger/smarter than they assumed. They're captured or separated (fill in the blank) but defeat seems inevitable and they're crushed.



PLOT POINT 2 (rise of the hero)


BEAT 7.
Your character's find away of escape, but are discovered. Almost killed (what ever supports your story).
The battle/chase ??? is on!!!!!


ACT III

BEAT 8.
Your character's are in a race to survive. The enemy is strong but the hero's have figured it out and work their plan. The plan fail's! The way of escape is blocked, but they fight. They fight and almost lose, but then a character REMEMBERS WHAT THEY LEARNED IN ACT I, and it saves the day. The enemy is vanquished.


RESOLUTION

BEAT 9.
Maybe one of your characters is wounded and dies, maybe they realize something about life. But the resolution typically answers a question brought forth in the film. Maybe they realize they love each other, or someone else.
It's up to you. BUT PLEASE, SHOW US HOW YOUR CHARACTER HAS CHANGED, GROWN...etc.


OUTCOME

BEAT 10.
Your characters return (or not) to their former lives.

There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#27 kkffoo

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Posted 05 October 2012 - 10:59 AM

ACT I

BEAT 1.
We meet your character

Darlington Medway
Rain lashed busy roadside. Ancient fiat tempo parked at crazy angle half on verge, hazard lights flash. Darlington exits car, newspaper over head, half crawls up muddy bank, holds phone aloft searching for signal.


MIDWAY

BEAT 2.
Your character has a minor interruption BUT THEY LEARN SOMETHING HERE that saves them in ACT III

Rain pouring, old fashioned service garage, fluorescent strip light. Tempo is over car pit. Mechanic shakes his head. Darlington still struggling with phone, sees tatty circus poster on garage wall


PLOT POINT I (inciting incident)

BEAT 3.
Your character now has a major interruption of routine that changes their life.

Tempo parked outside detective office, exhaust tied to roof. Darlington at desk using landline. Cat jumps on desk and knocks coffee into tatty box of documents. Secret diagrams appears over typed text.



ACT II

BEAT 4.
Your character is reeling from the major event, but manages to catch their breath and try to understand the new situation.

Two port workers push broken down fiat onto car ferry. Darlington grabs papers and heads for ship's bar. She spreads papers out on table and starts work, glass of whisky at her side.


FIRST TURN AROUND

BEAT 5.
Your character faces the enemy, or almost gets caught or nearly gets killed...etc. But through this experience. he/she meets their ally, and together they think of a strategy to win.

Tempo overturned in flames. Darlington races on foot down back alley, grasping a box, a black car with two men turns the corner. D ducks into the back yard of a house. The baddies open the yard gate and look around. We see Darlington scrunched up inside a dog kennel. A great dane drools on her shoulder. Next to the dog is a tiny man, Feldspar Buttonworthy, he puts his finger to his lips for quiet.


SECOND TURN AROUND


BEAT 6.
They face the enemy together (or what ever you story is) and confidently fight, but the enemy is stronger/smarter than they assumed. They're captured or separated (fill in the blank) but defeat seems inevitable and they're crushed.

Frankfurt town hall. D, dog and F sat at official's desk, diagram papers on table. Official shakes his head, then takes papers and locks them in cupboard. He shows them out. We two men in black suits enter office after heroes leave, they take papers.



PLOT POINT 2 (rise of the hero)

BEAT 7.
Your character's find away of escape, but are discovered. Almost killed (what ever supports your story).
The battle/chase ??? is on!!!!!

Three heroes in motor boat on Rhine. They moor up under old Chateux, and creep through bushes. They break open french doors and enter. Feldspar starts to open safe, he grabs the papers just as the bad guys enter with guns. The dog jumps up and startles the gun men, the three escape out of the window.


ACT III

BEAT 8.
Your character's are in a race to survive. The enemy is strong but the hero's have figured it out and work their plan. The plan fail's! The way of escape is blocked, but they fight. They fight and almost lose, but then a character REMEMBERS WHAT THEY LEARNED IN ACT I, and it saves the day. The enemy is vanquished.

Railway station, train to Cologne, bad guys enter the train and see our heroes, chase down train, heroes leap from train at junction. Circus trucks parked, they grab costumes and the bad guys don't recognise them. Darlington points to circus poster, the circus's next stop is Cologne.


RESOLUTION

BEAT 9.
Maybe one of your characters is wounded and dies, maybe they realize something about life. But the resolution typically answers a question brought forth in the film. Maybe they realize they love each other, or someone else.
It's up to you. BUT PLEASE SHOW USE SOMETHING HERE.

Dog barks, bad guys see them but bad guys get into fight with circus crew, and wind up in river. D, F and dog deliver papers to professor in Cologne. Circus folks welcome the three heroes and help them.

Resolution is 'it is ok to be different'...not quite sure how to do that with no dialogue sad.gif


OUTCOME

BEAT 10.
Your characters return (or not) to their former lives.

Feldspar and dog in circus ring, dog holds hoop, Feldspar jumps through, crowd laugh. F smiles at D in audience. D winks at circus strongman, who winks back.

#28 squirrelygirl

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Posted 06 October 2012 - 05:51 AM

ACT I

BEAT 1.
We meet your character

Calvin Hobbs shows his newest invention, an elaborate machine attached to a hamster cage that turns used paper into hamster bedding, to his daughter. The machine backfires and tries to suck the hamster out of the cage.

MIDWAY

BEAT 2.
Your character has a minor interruption BUT THEY LEARN SOMETHING HERE that saves them in ACT III

Calvin delivers feed to his daughter's chicken ranch, but the automatic feed un-loader attached to the truck goes haywire and knocks down part of the chicken's fence. The chickens escape, but his daughter is able to lure them back with their favorite treat, popcorn.


PLOT POINT I (inciting incident)

BEAT 3.
Your character now has a major interruption of routine that changes their life.

A bank representative shows up at Calvin's house to tell him that because he has not been making his mortgage payments he has one week to come up with the balance or lose his home which is also his business.


ACT II

BEAT 4.
Your character is reeling from the major event, but manages to catch their breath and try to understand the new situation.

Calvin tries to think of a way to save his home, but when he talks to his daughter she believes it would be best if he stopped all the invention nonsense and moved in with her.


FIRST TURN AROUND

BEAT 5.
Your character faces the enemy, or almost gets caught or nearly gets killed...etc. But through this experience. he/she meets their ally, and together they think of a strategy to win.

Calvin hears about a contest for the largest pumpkin at the county fair with a grand prize large enough to pay off his mortgage, but Wiley Sikes, his arch enemy, is also entering. Calvin isn't sure if he can beat Wiley, but his granddaughter offers to help him.


SECOND TURN AROUND

BEAT 6.
They face the enemy together (or what ever you story is) and confidently fight, but the enemy is stronger/smarter than they assumed. They're captured or separated (fill in the blank) but defeat seems inevitable and they're crushed.

Calvin and his granddaughter invent a growth formula that they add to the soil every day and this time his invention works, but Wiley Sikes has been nosing around. Wiley gets his hands on the growth formula, but before he can steal it he is interrupted and hides it in a bag only the bag turns out to be feed for Calvin's daughter's chicken farm.


PLOT POINT 2 (rise of the hero)

BEAT 7.
Your character's find away of escape, but are discovered. Almost killed (what ever supports your story).
The battle/chase ??? is on!!!!!

Calvin delivers the feed to his daughter and by the next morning the town is being terrorized by giant chickens. Wiley blames Calvin and the entire town turns on him and even his granddaughter has doubts about him.


ACT III

BEAT 8.
Your character's are in a race to survive. The enemy is strong but the hero's have figured it out and work their plan. The plan fail's! The way of escape is blocked, but they fight. They fight and almost lose, but then a character REMEMBERS WHAT THEY LEARNED IN ACT I, and it saves the day. The enemy is vanquished.

Calvin invents a reversal formula, remembers that the chickens like popcorn, and makes a giant mountain of popcorn, coating it in the formula. The chickens eat the popcorn and return to normal size.


RESOLUTION

BEAT 9.
Maybe one of your characters is wounded and dies, maybe they realize something about life. But the resolution typically answers a question brought forth in the film. Maybe they realize they love each other, or someone else.
It's up to you. BUT PLEASE SHOW USE SOMETHING HERE.

Calvin's granddaughter finds something of Wiley's in the chicken feed bag and he is revealed to be the one behind the giant chicken fiasco. Calvin talks the town out of going after him and Wiley reveals that he has always been jealous of Calvin because Calvin had a family and he has no one.


OUTCOME

BEAT 10.
Your characters return (or not) to their former lives.

Calvin and Wiley become friends and go into the invention business together.

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#29 JosephKw

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Posted 07 October 2012 - 06:30 AM

ACT I

BEAT 1.
We meet your character

TV Host John and cameraman Gary prepare to film an interview with Mel Ein. Dominique, Mel Ein's secretary, clad in tight black leather coldly admits them to see Mel Ein, 65.

MIDWAY

BEAT 2.
Your character has a minor interruption BUT THEY LEARN SOMETHING HERE that saves them in ACT III

The interview focuses on the opening of Mel Ein's new venture, Purgatory Park. Mel Ein eagerly tries to find the concept drawings for the park, but Dominique "lost" them. Mel Ein is unfazed, which makes Dominique scowl even more than usual.


PLOT POINT I (inciting incident)

BEAT 3.
Your character now has a major interruption of routine that changes their life.

Dominique makes a few phone calls to Mel Ein's creditors as Mel Ein prepares to officially open the gates to Purgatory Park. The creditors arrive and Dominique gazes intently at Mel Ein, but Mel is unfazed and confidently gives his speech. Dominique frowns in disappointment.


ACT II

BEAT 4.
Your character is reeling from the major event, but manages to catch their breath and try to understand the new situation.

The creditors, some with court judgments, demand that Mel Ein sell off his park to pay his debts. John and Gary capture the embarrassing documents on camera.


FIRST TURN AROUND

BEAT 5.
Your character faces the enemy, or almost gets caught or nearly gets killed...etc. But through this experience. he/she meets their ally, and together they think of a strategy to win.

Mel Ein tries to pay some petty cash to the creditors to appease them, but they want their entire payment plus interest. Mel asks John and Gary to help, promising them shares in the park if they can stave off the creditors long enough for the park to make a profit and start paying off the debts. John and Gary agree.


SECOND TURN AROUND

BEAT 6.
They face the enemy together (or what ever you story is) and confidently fight, but the enemy is stronger/smarter than they assumed. They're captured or separated (fill in the blank) but defeat seems inevitable and they're crushed.

John and Gary suggests that Mel Ein show the creditors the potential of the park, and this initially seems to work. The creditors are impressed until Dominique drops some papers in front of them revealing the massive expenses to operate the facility. The creditors doubt a profit can be made and decide a forced sale of the park is best for their interests. Mel Ein remains expressionless, which irks Dominique.



PLOT POINT 2 (rise of the hero)

BEAT 7.
Your character's find away of escape, but are discovered. Almost killed (what ever supports your story).
The battle/chase ??? is on!!!!!

John challenges the creditors; he will bet his shares of the park against the creditors that the majority of the park's patrons are satisfied and will return with friends or relatives--which will prove the park will be lucrative and worthy of a long-term investment (as opposed to a forced sales of the assets). The creditors risk nothing, so they accept. Dominique overhears this and does her best to ruin the park patrons' experience.


ACT III

BEAT 8.
Your character's are in a race to survive. The enemy is strong but the hero's have figured it out and work their plan. The plan fail's! The way of escape is blocked, but they fight. They fight and almost lose, but then a character REMEMBERS WHAT THEY LEARNED IN ACT I, and it saves the day. The enemy is vanquished.

Dominique is nefarious in sabotaging the park, and many patrons are displeased; the poll being taken by the creditors show most patrons will not return. John realizes Dominique's goal is to make Mel Ein upset so he devises a plan.

RESOLUTION

BEAT 9.
Maybe one of your characters is wounded and dies, maybe they realize something about life. But the resolution typically answers a question brought forth in the film. Maybe they realize they love each other, or someone else.
It's up to you. BUT PLEASE, SHOW US HOW YOUR CHARACTER HAS CHANGED, GROWN...etc.

Mel sets fire to a small section of the park and cries in tears because he did not buy fire insurance--Dominique finally smiles watching Mel writhe in pain, and stops sabotaging the park. The polls start showing positive results for satisfied customers. The creditors allow Mel Ein to continue operating the park with an installment payment plan.


OUTCOME

BEAT 10.
Your characters return (or not) to their former lives.

A year later Mel Ein is in his office watching his beloved park from the window. John and Gary give orders down below, managing the park, especially to Dominique, who works in the "House Of Pain" maze as the dominatrix. She smiles happily.

The End

#30 aroundworld

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Posted 07 October 2012 - 12:50 PM

Assignment



Please critique each others work.

Purpose:


To practice identifying proper story structure and story flaws.


What I'm looking for:


Tell me what works, and why

Tell me what doesn't work, and why

If you find something confusing in a story, explain why it's confusing.


Please provide more than, "this is really good" or "your hero should've done xyz instead".

Refer to notes in past modules if you need to.







There is no try, only do or do not.

 

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START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#31 kkffoo

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Posted 11 October 2012 - 03:05 PM

QUOTE (squirrelygirl @ Oct 6 2012, 05:51 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
ACT I

BEAT 1.
We meet your character

Calvin Hobbs shows his newest invention, an elaborate machine attached to a hamster cage that turns used paper into hamster bedding, to his daughter. The machine backfires and tries to suck the hamster out of the cage.

This is a funny and interesting opening.
How do we 'show not tell' that this invention is the latest, maybe burnt out things in bin in background?
How does the daughter react, what could we learn about their relationship from this interaction?


MIDWAY

BEAT 2.
Your character has a minor interruption BUT THEY LEARN SOMETHING HERE that saves them in ACT III

Calvin delivers feed to his daughter's chicken ranch, but the automatic feed un-loader attached to the truck goes haywire and knocks down part of the chicken's fence. The chickens escape, but his daughter is able to lure them back with their favorite treat, popcorn.

Great funny action scene. I wonder if intro scene needs to be about feed rather than hamster so we are introduced to idea earlier?


PLOT POINT I (inciting incident)

BEAT 3.
Your character now has a major interruption of routine that changes their life.

A bank representative shows up at Calvin's house to tell him that because he has not been making his mortgage payments he has one week to come up with the balance or lose his home which is also his business.

I like this, it introduces tension and a problem to be faced.. How do you *show* the situation (I'm 'seeing' dialogue)


ACT II

BEAT 4.
Your character is reeling from the major event, but manages to catch their breath and try to understand the new situation.

Calvin tries to think of a way to save his home, but when he talks to his daughter she believes it would be best if he stopped all the invention nonsense and moved in with her.

Great plotwise, again though we have presumed dialogue rather than described visual action?


FIRST TURN AROUND

BEAT 5.
Your character faces the enemy, or almost gets caught or nearly gets killed...etc. But through this experience. he/she meets their ally, and together they think of a strategy to win.

Calvin hears about a contest for the largest pumpkin at the county fair with a grand prize large enough to pay off his mortgage, but Wiley Sikes, his arch enemy, is also entering. Calvin isn't sure if he can beat Wiley, but his granddaughter offers to help him.

Same thing again, great story, but not expressed in visual terms.


SECOND TURN AROUND

BEAT 6.
They face the enemy together (or what ever you story is) and confidently fight, but the enemy is stronger/smarter than they assumed. They're captured or separated (fill in the blank) but defeat seems inevitable and they're crushed.

Calvin and his granddaughter invent a growth formula that they add to the soil every day and this time his invention works, but Wiley Sikes has been nosing around. Wiley gets his hands on the growth formula, but before he can steal it he is interrupted and hides it in a bag only the bag turns out to be feed for Calvin's daughter's chicken farm.


PLOT POINT 2 (rise of the hero)

BEAT 7.
Your character's find away of escape, but are discovered. Almost killed (what ever supports your story).
The battle/chase ??? is on!!!!!

Calvin delivers the feed to his daughter and by the next morning the town is being terrorized by giant chickens. Wiley blames Calvin and the entire town turns on him and even his granddaughter has doubts about him.


ACT III

BEAT 8.
Your character's are in a race to survive. The enemy is strong but the hero's have figured it out and work their plan. The plan fail's! The way of escape is blocked, but they fight. They fight and almost lose, but then a character REMEMBERS WHAT THEY LEARNED IN ACT I, and it saves the day. The enemy is vanquished.

Calvin invents a reversal formula, remembers that the chickens like popcorn, and makes a giant mountain of popcorn, coating it in the formula. The chickens eat the popcorn and return to normal size.


RESOLUTION

BEAT 9.
Maybe one of your characters is wounded and dies, maybe they realize something about life. But the resolution typically answers a question brought forth in the film. Maybe they realize they love each other, or someone else.
It's up to you. BUT PLEASE SHOW USE SOMETHING HERE.

Calvin's granddaughter finds something of Wiley's in the chicken feed bag and he is revealed to be the one behind the giant chicken fiasco. Calvin talks the town out of going after him and Wiley reveals that he has always been jealous of Calvin because Calvin had a family and he has no one.


OUTCOME

BEAT 10.
Your characters return (or not) to their former lives.

Calvin and Wiley become friends and go into the invention business together.



I stopped with the feedback @ beat 4 as I would be repeating myself. Story has interesting characters, and the plot works really well as a comedy, but I *think* you are describing the story instead of describing key visual scenes which make up the story.
ie for beat 5

Calvin hears about a contest for the largest pumpkin at the county fair with a grand prize large enough to pay off his mortgage, but Wiley Sikes, his arch enemy, is also entering. Calvin isn't sure if he can beat Wiley, but his granddaughter offers to help him.

maybe could have been.

Calvin and daughter in farm store looking at contest poster. Wiley at counter laughs and shakes his head, he walks over, pushes Calvin out of the way and adds his name to the entry list, then points to a photo on the wall which shows Wiley claiming trophy behind an enormous pumpkin, and Calvin with smaller pumpkin.



#32 kkffoo

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Posted 11 October 2012 - 03:16 PM

QUOTE (JosephKw @ Oct 7 2012, 06:30 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
ACT I

BEAT 1.
We meet your character

TV Host John and cameraman Gary prepare to film an interview with Mel Ein. Dominique, Mel Ein's secretary, clad in tight black leather coldly admits them to see Mel Ein, 65.

Great opening. Suspect AW would want some example instead of coldly...she avoids their eyes? snaps the door open and shut?

MIDWAY

BEAT 2.
Your character has a minor interruption BUT THEY LEARN SOMETHING HERE that saves them in ACT III

The interview focuses on the opening of Mel Ein's new venture, Purgatory Park. Mel Ein eagerly tries to find the concept drawings for the park, but Dominique "lost" them. Mel Ein is unfazed, which makes Dominique scowl even more than usual.

Scene creates tension between the characters, and interest around the planned park. How do we see that Dominique has 'lost' the drawings? Maybe she tucks them out of sight somewhere?


PLOT POINT I (inciting incident)

BEAT 3.
Your character now has a major interruption of routine that changes their life.

Dominique makes a few phone calls to Mel Ein's creditors as Mel Ein prepares to officially open the gates to Purgatory Park. The creditors arrive and Dominique gazes intently at Mel Ein, but Mel is unfazed and confidently gives his speech. Dominique frowns in disappointment.


ACT II

BEAT 4.
Your character is reeling from the major event, but manages to catch their breath and try to understand the new situation.

The creditors, some with court judgments, demand that Mel Ein sell off his park to pay his debts. John and Gary capture the embarrassing documents on camera.


FIRST TURN AROUND

BEAT 5.
Your character faces the enemy, or almost gets caught or nearly gets killed...etc. But through this experience. he/she meets their ally, and together they think of a strategy to win.

Mel Ein tries to pay some petty cash to the creditors to appease them, but they want their entire payment plus interest. Mel asks John and Gary to help, promising them shares in the park if they can stave off the creditors long enough for the park to make a profit and start paying off the debts. John and Gary agree.


SECOND TURN AROUND

BEAT 6.
They face the enemy together (or what ever you story is) and confidently fight, but the enemy is stronger/smarter than they assumed. They're captured or separated (fill in the blank) but defeat seems inevitable and they're crushed.

John and Gary suggests that Mel Ein show the creditors the potential of the park, and this initially seems to work. The creditors are impressed until Dominique drops some papers in front of them revealing the massive expenses to operate the facility. The creditors doubt a profit can be made and decide a forced sale of the park is best for their interests. Mel Ein remains expressionless, which irks Dominique.



PLOT POINT 2 (rise of the hero)

BEAT 7.
Your character's find away of escape, but are discovered. Almost killed (what ever supports your story).
The battle/chase ??? is on!!!!!

John challenges the creditors; he will bet his shares of the park against the creditors that the majority of the park's patrons are satisfied and will return with friends or relatives--which will prove the park will be lucrative and worthy of a long-term investment (as opposed to a forced sales of the assets). The creditors risk nothing, so they accept. Dominique overhears this and does her best to ruin the park patrons' experience.


ACT III

BEAT 8.
Your character's are in a race to survive. The enemy is strong but the hero's have figured it out and work their plan. The plan fail's! The way of escape is blocked, but they fight. They fight and almost lose, but then a character REMEMBERS WHAT THEY LEARNED IN ACT I, and it saves the day. The enemy is vanquished.

Dominique is nefarious in sabotaging the park, and many patrons are displeased; the poll being taken by the creditors show most patrons will not return. John realizes Dominique's goal is to make Mel Ein upset so he devises a plan.

RESOLUTION

BEAT 9.
Maybe one of your characters is wounded and dies, maybe they realize something about life. But the resolution typically answers a question brought forth in the film. Maybe they realize they love each other, or someone else.
It's up to you. BUT PLEASE, SHOW US HOW YOUR CHARACTER HAS CHANGED, GROWN...etc.

Mel sets fire to a small section of the park and cries in tears because he did not buy fire insurance--Dominique finally smiles watching Mel writhe in pain, and stops sabotaging the park. The polls start showing positive results for satisfied customers. The creditors allow Mel Ein to continue operating the park with an installment payment plan.


OUTCOME

BEAT 10.
Your characters return (or not) to their former lives.

A year later Mel Ein is in his office watching his beloved park from the window. John and Gary give orders down below, managing the park, especially to Dominique, who works in the "House Of Pain" maze as the dominatrix. She smiles happily.

The End


The story is funny and the characters are interesting.
I'm stuck here as you seem to have done the same thing as Shirley, in describing the story, rather than focusing on the 'show' parts of the visual storytelling (I don't even know what I did until I close the thread and look!)
From beat 9

"and cries in tears because he did not buy fire insurance"
maybe could be
"Mel is sobbing into a handkerchief as two men with briefcases pick up documents from his deak, each one stamped 'claim denied defaulted payment'.

#33 aroundworld

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Posted 11 October 2012 - 06:24 PM

In our writing, (screen writing), we need to show the scene by IMPLICATION. Joseph provided a great example here by using the word "Coldly". It wasn't necessary to take up valuable line space by using more words to describe her emotional state, one word said it all.

This is the heart of the beat exercise, and one I hope you guys will use in your future writing endeavors.

Obviously there are times one word won't be as vivid as three...etc. But It's important to make that distinction.





KATE'S OBSERVATIONS.

ACT I

BEAT 1.
We meet your character

TV Host John and cameraman Gary prepare to film an interview with Mel Ein. Dominique, Mel Ein's secretary, clad in tight black leather coldly admits them to see Mel Ein, 65.

Great opening. Suspect AW would want some example instead of coldly...she avoids their eyes? snaps the door open and shut?

This is a good observation Kate. When doing scene beats, it's best to keep them brief as Joseph has done here. What he did was IMPLY a visual by giving us one word that captured her demeanor.

By using the word "Coldly" we can imagine her avoiding their eyes or snapping the door open and shut. This allows us to write vivid word scenes that the imagination can turn into images.



MIDWAY

BEAT 2.
Your character has a minor interruption BUT THEY LEARN SOMETHING HERE that saves them in ACT III

The interview focuses on the opening of Mel Ein's new venture, Purgatory Park. Mel Ein eagerly tries to find the concept drawings for the park, but Dominique "lost" them. Mel Ein is unfazed, which makes Dominique scowl even more than usual.

Scene creates tension between the characters, and interest around the planned park. How do we see that Dominique has 'lost' the drawings? Maybe she tucks them out of sight somewhere?


Absolutely! smile.gif The scene creates AUDIENCE EXPECTATION ("interest around the planned park")

"How do we see that Dominique has 'lost' the drawings?"

Good point! In a scene beat exercise like we're doing here (MAPPING OUT THE MAIN PLOT POINTS)

You could either show this in a beat, or do as Joseph did by merely mentioning it so he can expand on it later in the outline. This is up to the writer. My preference is to keep it brief and concise and expand on it later.




PLOT POINT I (inciting incident)

BEAT 3.
Your character now has a major interruption of routine that changes their life.

Dominique makes a few phone calls to Mel Ein's creditors as Mel Ein prepares to officially open the gates to Purgatory Park. The creditors arrive and Dominique gazes intently at Mel Ein, but Mel is unfazed and confidently gives his speech. Dominique frowns in disappointment.


ACT II

BEAT 4.
Your character is reeling from the major event, but manages to catch their breath and try to understand the new situation.

The creditors, some with court judgments, demand that Mel Ein sell off his park to pay his debts. John and Gary capture the embarrassing documents on camera.


FIRST TURN AROUND

BEAT 5.
Your character faces the enemy, or almost gets caught or nearly gets killed...etc. But through this experience. he/she meets their ally, and together they think of a strategy to win.

Mel Ein tries to pay some petty cash to the creditors to appease them, but they want their entire payment plus interest. Mel asks John and Gary to help, promising them shares in the park if they can stave off the creditors long enough for the park to make a profit and start paying off the debts. John and Gary agree.


SECOND TURN AROUND

BEAT 6.
They face the enemy together (or what ever you story is) and confidently fight, but the enemy is stronger/smarter than they assumed. They're captured or separated (fill in the blank) but defeat seems inevitable and they're crushed.

John and Gary suggests that Mel Ein show the creditors the potential of the park, and this initially seems to work. The creditors are impressed until Dominique drops some papers in front of them revealing the massive expenses to operate the facility. The creditors doubt a profit can be made and decide a forced sale of the park is best for their interests. Mel Ein remains expressionless, which irks Dominique.



PLOT POINT 2 (rise of the hero)

BEAT 7.
Your character's find away of escape, but are discovered. Almost killed (what ever supports your story).
The battle/chase ??? is on!!!!!

John challenges the creditors; he will bet his shares of the park against the creditors that the majority of the park's patrons are satisfied and will return with friends or relatives--which will prove the park will be lucrative and worthy of a long-term investment (as opposed to a forced sales of the assets). The creditors risk nothing, so they accept. Dominique overhears this and does her best to ruin the park patrons' experience.


ACT III

BEAT 8.
Your character's are in a race to survive. The enemy is strong but the hero's have figured it out and work their plan. The plan fail's! The way of escape is blocked, but they fight. They fight and almost lose, but then a character REMEMBERS WHAT THEY LEARNED IN ACT I, and it saves the day. The enemy is vanquished.

Dominique is nefarious in sabotaging the park, and many patrons are displeased; the poll being taken by the creditors show most patrons will not return. John realizes Dominique's goal is to make Mel Ein upset so he devises a plan.

RESOLUTION

BEAT 9.
Maybe one of your characters is wounded and dies, maybe they realize something about life. But the resolution typically answers a question brought forth in the film. Maybe they realize they love each other, or someone else.
It's up to you. BUT PLEASE, SHOW US HOW YOUR CHARACTER HAS CHANGED, GROWN...etc.

Mel sets fire to a small section of the park and cries in tears because he did not buy fire insurance--Dominique finally smiles watching Mel writhe in pain, and stops sabotaging the park. The polls start showing positive results for satisfied customers. The creditors allow Mel Ein to continue operating the park with an installment payment plan.


OUTCOME

BEAT 10.
Your characters return (or not) to their former lives.

A year later Mel Ein is in his office watching his beloved park from the window. John and Gary give orders down below, managing the park, especially to Dominique, who works in the "House Of Pain" maze as the dominatrix. She smiles happily.

The End

There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#34 kkffoo

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Posted 11 October 2012 - 07:02 PM

I was puzzled why both Shirley and Joseph did this exercise differently to the previous ones.

I think some of the confusion is in the word 'beat'. I've seen Shirley use it in previous exercises, 'in a beat', which I assumed meant a shortened form of heartbeat.
So far as I am aware this isn't a term which would be used this way in UK English.
The most common use of the word is for the beat, or rhythm of music...as in the Beatles.
(or beat as in hit with fists)

#35 aroundworld

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Posted 11 October 2012 - 09:53 PM

QUOTE (kkffoo @ Oct 11 2012, 07:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I was puzzled why both Shirley and Joseph did this exercise differently to the previous ones.

I think some of the confusion is in the word 'beat'. I've seen Shirley use it in previous exercises, 'in a beat', which I assumed meant a shortened form of heartbeat.
So far as I am aware this isn't a term which would be used this way in UK English.
The most common use of the word is for the beat, or rhythm of music...as in the Beatles.
(or beat as in hit with fists)



Ah, I see. Ok, no problem.

In Hollywood screen writing lingo, "BEAT" can be used to signify a minor pause in dialog (this is frowned upon however).

In the scenario of a three act movie, BEAT is used to signify a key (important) moment in the course of the film.

So when we meet Maggy for the first time, it's a scene BEAT, or BEAT 1.

However, this is only used to help the writer zero in on the key moments that define a scene and why that scene should be placed where it is in the film. It does not show up in the final script. Does that help?

There is no try, only do or do not.

 

Learn story telling in the MOVIESTORM education forum. 

 

START HERE:  http://www.moviestor...showtopic=13153


#36 squirrelygirl

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Posted 12 October 2012 - 01:42 AM

QUOTE (kkffoo @ Oct 5 2012, 02:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
ACT I

BEAT 1.
We meet your character

Darlington Medway
Rain lashed busy roadside. Ancient fiat tempo parked at crazy angle half on verge, hazard lights flash. Darlington exits car, newspaper over head, half crawls up muddy bank, holds phone aloft searching for signal.


Nice visuals. I like the way you introduce the character by starting him out with a problem - he's having car trouble and needs to call for help. It makes him sypathetic since most of people have been in this spot before.

MIDWAY

BEAT 2.
Your character has a minor interruption BUT THEY LEARN SOMETHING HERE that saves them in ACT III

Rain pouring, old fashioned service garage, fluorescent strip light. Tempo is over car pit. Mechanic shakes his head. Darlington still struggling with phone, sees tatty circus poster on garage wall

Again, nice visuals. It looks like this is the next scene so the car trouble was the interruption.

PLOT POINT I (inciting incident)

BEAT 3.
Your character now has a major interruption of routine that changes their life.

Tempo parked outside detective office, exhaust tied to roof. Darlington at desk using landline. Cat jumps on desk and knocks coffee into tatty box of documents. Secret diagrams appears over typed text.


I like how you used the cat to create the major change. I think it works well because cat's do those things.

ACT II

BEAT 4.
Your character is reeling from the major event, but manages to catch their breath and try to understand the new situation.

Two port workers push broken down fiat onto car ferry. Darlington grabs papers and heads for ship's bar. She spreads papers out on table and starts work, glass of whisky at her side.

He has the papers with the secret diagram and he has now gone to someone for help figuring it out. I think this works well and introduces a new character to the story.

FIRST TURN AROUND

BEAT 5.
Your character faces the enemy, or almost gets caught or nearly gets killed...etc. But through this experience. he/she meets their ally, and together they think of a strategy to win.

Tempo overturned in flames. Darlington races on foot down back alley, grasping a box, a black car with two men turns the corner. D ducks into the back yard of a house. The baddies open the yard gate and look around. We see Darlington scrunched up inside a dog kennel. A great dane drools on her shoulder. Next to the dog is a tiny man, Feldspar Buttonworthy, he puts his finger to his lips for quiet.

I like how you end the action scene with Darlington in a dog house with a great dane drooling on him. Nice way to add some comedy to the story.

SECOND TURN AROUND


BEAT 6.
They face the enemy together (or what ever you story is) and confidently fight, but the enemy is stronger/smarter than they assumed. They're captured or separated (fill in the blank) but defeat seems inevitable and they're crushed.

Frankfurt town hall. D, dog and F sat at official's desk, diagram papers on table. Official shakes his head, then takes papers and locks them in cupboard. He shows them out. We two men in black suits enter office after heroes leave, they take papers.

The two men in black suits add some intrigue to the story. Why do they want the papers and what are they going to do with them?

PLOT POINT 2 (rise of the hero)

BEAT 7.
Your character's find away of escape, but are discovered. Almost killed (what ever supports your story).
The battle/chase ??? is on!!!!!

Three heroes in motor boat on Rhine. They moor up under old Chateux, and creep through bushes. They break open french doors and enter. Feldspar starts to open safe, he grabs the papers just as the bad guys enter with guns. The dog jumps up and startles the gun men, the three escape out of the window.

Great use for the dog.

ACT III

BEAT 8.
Your character's are in a race to survive. The enemy is strong but the hero's have figured it out and work their plan. The plan fail's! The way of escape is blocked, but they fight. They fight and almost lose, but then a character REMEMBERS WHAT THEY LEARNED IN ACT I, and it saves the day. The enemy is vanquished.

Railway station, train to Cologne, bad guys enter the train and see our heroes, chase down train, heroes leap from train at junction. Circus trucks parked, they grab costumes and the bad guys don't recognise them. Darlington points to circus poster, the circus's next stop is Cologne.

This scene ties well with the earlier scene about the circus poster. It also works well in hiding the heroes from the bad guys.

RESOLUTION

BEAT 9.
Maybe one of your characters is wounded and dies, maybe they realize something about life. But the resolution typically answers a question brought forth in the film. Maybe they realize they love each other, or someone else.
It's up to you. BUT PLEASE SHOW USE SOMETHING HERE.

Dog barks, bad guys see them but bad guys get into fight with circus crew, and wind up in river. D, F and dog deliver papers to professor in Cologne. Circus folks welcome the three heroes and help them.

Resolution is 'it is ok to be different'...not quite sure how to do that with no dialogue sad.gif


I like how you tie the circus people in with the story.

OUTCOME

BEAT 10.
Your characters return (or not) to their former lives.

Feldspar and dog in circus ring, dog holds hoop, Feldspar jumps through, crowd laugh. F smiles at D in audience. D winks at circus strongman, who winks back.


I like how you end it with Feldspar and the dog finding a new home among the circus people.

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#37 squirrelygirl

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Posted 12 October 2012 - 02:06 AM

QUOTE (JosephKw @ Oct 6 2012, 10:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
ACT I

BEAT 1.
We meet your character

TV Host John and cameraman Gary prepare to film an interview with Mel Ein. Dominique, Mel Ein's secretary, clad in tight black leather coldly admits them to see Mel Ein, 65.

I think this works well as an introduction and since Mel is about the be interviewed we know we'll learn something about him.

MIDWAY

BEAT 2.
Your character has a minor interruption BUT THEY LEARN SOMETHING HERE that saves them in ACT III

The interview focuses on the opening of Mel Ein's new venture, Purgatory Park. Mel Ein eagerly tries to find the concept drawings for the park, but Dominique "lost" them. Mel Ein is unfazed, which makes Dominique scowl even more than usual.

This scene makes me think that Dominique has something against Mel and that perhaps she lost the drawings on purpose since she is upset that he's unfazed.


PLOT POINT I (inciting incident)

BEAT 3.
Your character now has a major interruption of routine that changes their life.

Dominique makes a few phone calls to Mel Ein's creditors as Mel Ein prepares to officially open the gates to Purgatory Park. The creditors arrive and Dominique gazes intently at Mel Ein, but Mel is unfazed and confidently gives his speech. Dominique frowns in disappointment.

This is more proof that something is up with Dominique. It also makes me think that Mel thinks pretty highly of either himself or the park since he's not upset that the creditors are there.

ACT II

BEAT 4.
Your character is reeling from the major event, but manages to catch their breath and try to understand the new situation.

The creditors, some with court judgments, demand that Mel Ein sell off his park to pay his debts. John and Gary capture the embarrassing documents on camera.


I like how you added a bit of humor to the scene with the picture they captured.


FIRST TURN AROUND

BEAT 5.
Your character faces the enemy, or almost gets caught or nearly gets killed...etc. But through this experience. he/she meets their ally, and together they think of a strategy to win.

Mel Ein tries to pay some petty cash to the creditors to appease them, but they want their entire payment plus interest. Mel asks John and Gary to help, promising them shares in the park if they can stave off the creditors long enough for the park to make a profit and start paying off the debts. John and Gary agree.


That's a nice way to bring John and Gary on board, not many people would turn down a share in a park.


SECOND TURN AROUND

BEAT 6.
They face the enemy together (or what ever you story is) and confidently fight, but the enemy is stronger/smarter than they assumed. They're captured or separated (fill in the blank) but defeat seems inevitable and they're crushed.

John and Gary suggests that Mel Ein show the creditors the potential of the park, and this initially seems to work. The creditors are impressed until Dominique drops some papers in front of them revealing the massive expenses to operate the facility. The creditors doubt a profit can be made and decide a forced sale of the park is best for their interests. Mel Ein remains expressionless, which irks Dominique.

This adds more tension between Mel and Dominique.

PLOT POINT 2 (rise of the hero)

BEAT 7.
Your character's find away of escape, but are discovered. Almost killed (what ever supports your story).
The battle/chase ??? is on!!!!!

John challenges the creditors; he will bet his shares of the park against the creditors that the majority of the park's patrons are satisfied and will return with friends or relatives--which will prove the park will be lucrative and worthy of a long-term investment (as opposed to a forced sales of the assets). The creditors risk nothing, so they accept. Dominique overhears this and does her best to ruin the park patrons' experience.

Nice way to give them a fighting chance to keep the park open.

ACT III

BEAT 8.
Your character's are in a race to survive. The enemy is strong but the hero's have figured it out and work their plan. The plan fail's! The way of escape is blocked, but they fight. They fight and almost lose, but then a character REMEMBERS WHAT THEY LEARNED IN ACT I, and it saves the day. The enemy is vanquished.

Dominique is nefarious in sabotaging the park, and many patrons are displeased; the poll being taken by the creditors show most patrons will not return. John realizes Dominique's goal is to make Mel Ein upset so he devises a plan.

I'm definitely rooting for John and the others to win.

RESOLUTION

BEAT 9.
Maybe one of your characters is wounded and dies, maybe they realize something about life. But the resolution typically answers a question brought forth in the film. Maybe they realize they love each other, or someone else.
It's up to you. BUT PLEASE, SHOW US HOW YOUR CHARACTER HAS CHANGED, GROWN...etc.

Mel sets fire to a small section of the park and cries in tears because he did not buy fire insurance--Dominique finally smiles watching Mel writhe in pain, and stops sabotaging the park. The polls start showing positive results for satisfied customers. The creditors allow Mel Ein to continue operating the park with an installment payment plan.


Hopefully the reason Dominique wants Mel to suffer will be expanded on because right now I'm not sure why. I just know that she wants him to suffer, but not the reason.


OUTCOME

BEAT 10.
Your characters return (or not) to their former lives.

A year later Mel Ein is in his office watching his beloved park from the window. John and Gary give orders down below, managing the park, especially to Dominique, who works in the "House Of Pain" maze as the dominatrix. She smiles happily.

That seems like a fitting place for her.

The End


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#38 kkffoo

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Posted 12 October 2012 - 07:55 AM

Thank you Shirley!

@Aroundworld

I'm still a litle confused.

So this exercise is about the skeleton of the plot, on which the rest of the story hangs?
How does this connect with the visual storytelling module, in what way did you want us to include those ideas in this exercise?

#39 amzee75

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Posted 12 October 2012 - 04:25 PM

me also in the same mobule but i don,t like now dry.gif



#40 aroundworld

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Posted 12 October 2012 - 06:29 PM

QUOTE (kkffoo @ Oct 12 2012, 07:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thank you Shirley!

@Aroundworld

I'm still a litle confused.

So this exercise is about the skeleton of the plot, on which the rest of the story hangs?
How does this connect with the visual storytelling module, in what way did you want us to include those ideas in this exercise?


EXCELLENT QUESTION! A student at the Academy asked me the same thing. smile.gif


So this exercise is about the skeleton of the plot, on which the rest of the story hangs?


Exactly! And what we do is connect the dots (plot points) with the rest of the story. biggrin.gif

The difference between our visual exercises and what we're doing here is NUANCE. They're both the same thing. And this is where I got tripped up as well, but as I continued my education I realized mixing visuals and mood can be expressed using the same words (in some cases).


We could write:

Maggy answers the door and coldly sees them to Mr. Jones office.


In the above:

What action do you see in your minds eye?

What do we assume about Maggy?

Do I have to "see" her avert her eyes, or snappily open the door? Not really. The word "Coldly" expresses her mood, how she treated the guests and how her actions played out because of her demeanor (Cold).


If I write:

Maggy answers the door and coldly admits them to the room, averting her eyes as she sees them to Mr. Jones office.


I've said the same thing as the first example, but it's wordy and rambling.


Sometimes there is no other way to portray a scene, accept to give the details, and when it's needed you'll know how to approach that, as in our visual exercises.

Other times you'll need/want to express an action with mood. So you'll apply NUANCE.

Does that help? smile.gif









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